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USING PMS TO CREATE MORE INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP (For women AND men)

  Ladies, what if I told you that by learning what PMS really is, that you could use it as a tool to improve the quality of your life and your relationships?

Guys, what if I told you that PMS, through my lens, will create more intimacy and improve the quality of your relationships with all the women in your life?

Well, ladies and gents, that’s what I’m going to attempt to share with you in this post.

First of all, let’s take a look at what PMS REALLY is.  To do that I have to explain to you that in my world and the work that I do, I love to redefine negative concepts and language, imbuing them with positivity.  Life after all is all about perspective.

We tend to believe what we’ve been told growing up by the adults in our life, as well as buying into all the media messages we are bombarded with constantly.

What I do and what I’m asking you to do is THINK FOR YOURSELF.  Reframe things outside the box so that they empower you, rather than victimize you.

PMS, as I have redefined it, stands for Powerful Monthly Sight.  Ladies, open your minds.  You guys, too.

Ladies first.  Each month, beyond our hormonal changes, we have emotional shifts that happen.  I am a firm believer that this aspect has not been examined nearly closely enough in all the “research” that’s been done on our menstrual cycle, yet every woman knows what I’m talking about when I say this.

Each month, for women who tend to play “nice,” and people please for others in their lives, especially our mates and our kids, even bosses and friends, when we are not honest about our truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, we end up suppressing a lot of emotion, which always ends up turning into anger, and depending on how many years of your life you’ve been doing this, it can often turn into pure, unmitigated rage.

For women who have trouble expressing anger, it pours through your eyes as tears. but something sets you off, usually something your spouse or your child does, and you just explode.  Basically you blow emotional chunks all over the place and leave a mess everywhere.  And the truth is, you only feel better for a moment, as you have not really addressed or healed what was causing you to feel these feelings in the first place.

Men, you too experience our PMS (the mainstream version).  You notice without fail that each month, there is a cycle to the emotional issues the woman (or women, as in daughters, friends, etc.) in your life experiences, and you wisely connect the dots and often end up saying things like, “you must be about to get your period because you’re bringing THAT up again.”  When you make that statement, a woman will feel  that you’re not taking her seriously and simply labeling her hormonal, like the media and everyone else around her does, too.

What to do ladies and gents?  Go deep into the issues using my model of Powerful Monthly Sight and let the conversation lead you into the realm of intimacy.

Ladies, this is the time of the month where the rose-colored glasses come off, where you get a shot of truth serum in the arm, and all the ways that you have been BS’ing yourself all month long, perhaps for years, are in your face, in black and white.  All the ways that you have not been honoring yourself, your truth, your needs are before you in the resultant “issues,’ ready for you to address.

The problem for most women is where to start once they realize what this truly means, that this Powerful Monthly Sight is really an opportunity to work through and HEAL a lot of issues in your life.  When you adopt this new perspective you can start to say to yourself things like, “I realize that the way my guy never helps me around the house is because I have an issue asking for help.”  Or “He never listens to me,” can be reframed to a place of taking responsibility for not going to him and saying “Can we talk about something.”

The mainstream PMS model causes you to be a victim of your circumstances, to project what’s wrong in your life out onto someone else, usually your spouse.  But in reality you are a creator of your own life through your choices, and my version of PMS will allow you to take responsibility for having made the choices you did, so that you can choose differently.

This is the path of empowerment.  But until you realize it’s your choices that have created what you have in your life, good or bad, you will feel a victim to your own life.

Women are more sensitive at this time, more vulnerable.  We live in a fast-paced masculine rhythm in our world and there will be no down time to examine your life, reflect and decide how to change things that aren’t working unless you SCHEDULE TIME WITH YOURSELF,  quiet time, away from all distractions.  That’s why I advocate for women to take a few days BEFORE their periods start to be with self and reflect.

After that reflection, with some clarity about what’s on your mind, talk to your man and allow “issues” to transmute into intimacy.  That’s really what they’re designed to do if we are courageous enough to go there.

Now men, here’s what you can do.  There’s nothing wrong ostensibly with mentioning that her period must be near because she’s brought up an issue.  It’s not what you say; it’s HOW you say it.  Perhaps saying, “This is an issue that comes up for you regularly, honey.  It must be important to you.  Do you want to talk about it?”

Now before you think, “no way, I’m not going into the lion’s den,” just give it a try.  Preferably AFTER she’s read this article.  LOL.

Also for you men, one of the things that I know you notice is that women shut down sexually with their cycles (though some do get hornier), but you may not realize that the biggest reason is not hormonal, but emotional.  When we are feeling closed in our hearts, our legs tend to close, too.  When we have a pile of unresolved issues inside of us that we never talk about, we shut down. Depression is a very common symptom of PMS.   Depression is the repression and ignore-ance of self, of our needs.  Passionate, free-flowing sexuality is a byproduct of openness.  Get the connection?

For men who really love their women, this Powerful Monthly Sight time is a way to bring EMOTIONAL closeness into the relationship.  I feel that this is the weakest link for most couples, probably because it requires the most sustained, ongoing effort, but it is also the most rewarding as that emotional closeness keeps the passion alive for both men and women.

So make time to talk, REALLY HONESTLY.  This is a time for you men to really just listen.  I know you’re solution oriented, but sometimes we just need to vent.  For most men, to just vent without figuring out HOW to fix it makes little sense, but for us women, getting it off our chest is often part of the solution.

And ladies, don’t make him wrong!  When you do that to a man, he shuts down.  Take responsibility for your choices and speak honestly and clearly about what’s bothering you.  Use the pronoun “I’ in the conversations much more than “you” when you start your sentences.  Then ask for what you need from your partner.  You’ll be amazed at how much closer you will feel after doing this.  And just keep working at it.  You’ll have a chance every month to perfect your skill set.  And remember to keep the love flowing. Then PMS can be Powerful Monthly (in)Sight!

If these ideas have made you curious about how reframing your cycle and PMS can change the quality of your life and you want to learn more,  I’ve created an audio product that will help you connect more deeply, honestly and authentically with your cycle and teach you how to navigate your PMS as Powerful Monthly Sight.  And men, listening to it will help you to understand the women in your life better and improve the quality of your relationships with them; whether they are lovers, wives, sisters, friends.   It’s called Your Menstrual Cycle as Teacher, Mentor, GPS.  You can check it out HERE.  There’s truly nothing else like it out there in the world on this topic. :)

If you’re new to my work and want to learn more, please join my mailing list.  There’s a box here on the page, top right, or on my website.  There are lots of free downloads as my thank you to you for your e-mail.

Please share this post with all the women in your life, and the men, too.  We discuss so many things in life with ease and openness.  I think it’s time we d0 the same with our menstrual cycle.  It’s one of the many gifts of woman.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the tutorial!

Much Love,

Gina Cloud

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Wanna Get REALLY Turned On?

rjozaazjye4hvenzmkskI’ll bet that post title made you think that this was going to be about something sexually explicit and juicy.  Sorry to disappoint if that’s the case.  But if you’re looking for something explicit about how to really get turned on AS YOU, then by all means, keep reading. And there’s likely to be a bit related to your sexuality as well. :-)

I had an experience recently that inspired me to write this post.  Everything I write has to be 100% inspired.  I don’t sit and think about what to write, it literally comes through me and I have to just deliver it. A lot of you follow my work and know my posts can be very long, so you may want to scroll down and see if you’re up for it, because I don’t even know as I write these words how long this post will be!

If you scroll down and think, “whoa, too much,” I invite you to just see if you’re getting a little nudge from somewhere inside you to hang in there. If you are, please listen to that voice, as that is a large part of what this post is actually about.

My inspiration for this post came as a result of an incredible experience through a healing session with Maori healers from New Zealand.  A friend of mine had told me about them and that they would be coming to Los Angeles, which they only do once a year.  I saw a video of their work and got a very loud and clear “Hell yes!” From my own intuition.

When I mentioned it to several people in my life who I hold in extremely high esteem in the areas of health and wellness and healing, several of them mentioned to me that they were known for being very painful in how they do their bodywork and that they weren’t interested. I was still getting “Hell yes!”

So having held firm to my own inner GPS, I showed up and had one of the most powerful experiences I’ve EVER had with healers.  The bodywork that this big Maori guy did on me, literally turned me totally on.  Every bit of energy that I perceived was always available in my body but lying dormant through many reasons; modern life, unresolved childhood issues, fear, self-doubt, judgment of others, judgment of self, negative patterns acquired through life’s painful experiences,  and the list goes on.   But suddenly there was so much energy coming out of my body — out of my hands and different parts of my body that I was astounded. I felt like a nuclear reactor, and the more he worked on me, the more energy started to come out.  I was like a live wire, buzzing, vibrating.

As I lay there on the table I realized that what he had done was totally and completely turn me on.  The real me without any blocks to my own energy.  Every bit of Gina Cloud was now fully available. It was like a dam of energy had been unleashed.  And wow! it was an almost frightening experience as I processed the reality of what is available and how little of it is actually used.

At one point, I literally said to him, “oh my God, what am I supposed to do with all this?”

I started to think about how this is true for all of us. And that we all need to get REALLY turned on.

I thought if this was so easily accessible, how do we turn ourselves off and why?

What came to me was the realization that many people listen to  external sources when they want to do something.  Remember how I mentioned that I shared my interest in the Maori healers with several friends who had negative responses?   A lot of us will take that feedback from others and ignore our own inner guidance that has already directed us that this is something we should do, whatever it is in our life. Somewhere along the way, we decide that others know better than we do, and it’s not even a conscious thought.

When we don’t listen to that first whisper, that first inner guidance, it is the moment we begin to betray ourselves, turning ourselves off instead of on.  Little by little, our batteries die.

I’m not saying that you have to go and have a healing session with the Maori in order to have yourself fully turned on.  That was MY vehicle for this realization.  Each of us is different.  What I understood in the moment was that getting totally turned on is something you can do any time you want to.  It’s a choice. It’s about really, truly, deeply listening to and honoring your own inner wisdom.  That inner voice is your personal navigation system.

But how do you do that?   Simply, you have to practice using it. It’s available to each and every one of us constantly.  We have learned to allow all the external noise (especially the media) and mind numbing experiences around us to silence this voice, one which is very clear within us as children.    Society, our parents, other kids, school, religion, and many other ideologies we bump into in our lives teach us not to trust what we know is our truth.  That feeling of self-betrayal makes us feel numb, dead inside, and we are slowly but surely turned off.

I invite you to start to become aware of when you feel really driven to do something, to experience something, even the smallest thing. I find this voice to be especially important to listen to when it comes through in an incongruent way, or out of thin air, not related to what you’re doing in the moment or thinking about.  Illogical in a sense.   That’s always my cue that its wish is my command.

I have cultivated a deep and abiding trust in the voice within me that’s here to do my work in service to all of you and to myself — to myself first, otherwise I would not be able to share it with you. We all need to live this way, making our lives self-centered, as in centered in yourself.

Here’s the part that’s harder for everyone: when you share your ideas with other people and they either try to throw water on it or talk you out of it or make you think it’s silly or outrageous or ridiculous or ( you fill in the adjective), and then we take that outer input and we use it to shut down what we already KNOW is our truth. That is how we start to turn ourselves off.

This becomes a way of life, day after day, year after year, looking and listening for other people to validate us, and if they don’t, we say no to what we want to do, be or have.  This is death.  We become walking corpses, and life just sucks.

Another interesting thing that I realized as I got home and was processing my experience, was that all of these places on my body where I was feeling so much energy I realized were the chakra centers.  Now I know that feels new-agey to some people, but understand that I have always been a skeptical believer and need proof of things. I wasn’t lying there thinking” wow, my chakras are being activated!”

It wasn’t until later that I realized the places where I was actually feeling this concentration of energy were what is known as the chakra system. The ancient yogis have spoken and written about these energy centers in our bodies for more than 5,000 years and, yes, it is popularized in New Age philosophies, but these energy centers do exist in our bodies.  And given the fact that I was not even thinking about it, the skeptical believer was like “wow, that’s for real!”

Now, I have had some deep healing experiences before, having done yoga many years and lots of spiritual quests in the realm of the New Age, but these days I want to be able to experience my life in the practical and not just in the theoretical or the spiritual.  So believe me when I say, you can have this experience as well.  All you have to do is listen, trust and act on your own inner guidance.

I will say that when your energy centers  are really turned on fully, sexual experiences with someone else who is also totally turned on are one of the greatest gifts you can be given in your life.   I can tell you personally that when you are truly turned on from the inside out with someone else who is turned on from the inside out and  you turn each other on sexually, there’s nothing else like it!! It’s the closest thing to otherworldly most of us will ever experience.  And for me, this is another reason why sex is never casual.  Anything that can produce and unleash that much energy and pleasure between two people deserves respect.

So do you want to be really turned on? Live YOU, be YOU, love YOU, don’t betray yourself  by listening to other people’s voices and ideas and placing them ahead of what you know already.   There is only one version of YOU.  No one, no matter how wise or wonderful they are, can really make a choice for you.  Even in my coaching with people, or those that come to me constantly for advice, I give them my two cents, and then I say to them “But I’m not you, so if that doesn’t feel true to you, honor the voice within you.”

Just because someone is an “authority” or has a website or posts information on the Internet, doesn’t mean it’s true FOR YOU. You already KNOW what is true when you listen from within. We must remember that whatever we find in the mainstream media that is intended for the masses is primarily designed to manipulate our minds, our money and our psyches.  It all becomes a distraction away from our own inner guidance, creativity and self-generated thought.  Everything we are becoming is as a result of mostly externally generated ideas, thoughts, feelings, and visual input.  It’s making us robotic, and incredibly fearful.  Fear is the opposite of love.

When we live fully turned on we cultivate within us the capacity to recognize this manipulation both subliminally and overtly and to choose a different course than that which we are being steered to as sheeple.  We have to stop allowing race, religion, politics and any number of the other thousands of issues that cause us to take a position that creates a constant polarity that keeps a separate.  Even the very important issues that are in the mainstream still distract us from our own interiors.  And while they are truly important, it seems they generate conflict among us, instead of unification.  We have to awaken to the realization that this is intentional. We have to turn ourselves on fully so that we can become part of the evolution and revolution of our own species, and it always begins with ourselves first.

So LISTEN TO YOU, moment by moment, honor that.  The more you do it, the stronger it gets, the more you learn to trust it, and the more turned on you get. When you are really turned on, you are incredibly magnetic and you will draw the very things you desire into your world, be they things, people, money or love.  Not to mention how amazingly radiant you actually look.  I know this experience personally when I’m truly aligned with living who I am.

So ask yourself, when was the last time you listened to yourself without needing approval or validation from outside?  Can you hear that inner wisdom clearly?  If so, do you ignore it or act on it?

If you can’t hear it at all, you can begin to cultivate a relationship with it by unplugging from technology and other people, sitting quietly, especially in nature somewhere.  It is always easiest to hear in silence.  (For me and many, meditation is one way of doing this). If you do this daily, you’ll start to feel a connection, slowly but surely, to a part of you that will likely remind you of some aspect of when you were a child, a feeling of creativity and clarity.  And joy.  When you act on the guidance you receive, you’ll start to really feel alive– turned on.

There is a power source within all of us.  Every human being is here to shine brightly, joyfully, powerfully.  And only YOU can really turn you on. :)

If you’re new to GinaCology, welcome.  Please check out my website, join my mailing list, and check out my product page for freebies, as well as stuff you can buy. If you’re one of my tribe already, thank you for your support.  And to all of you, I truly hope that what I share, teach, live and give makes a difference in your life, in some way big or small.

If that voice inside you nudges you to share this post, you know what to do. :)

IMG_2269With much love,

Gina Cloud

 

The Next Time Pain Knocks On Your Door, Invite it in For Tea

Tea cups and holding hands at the wooden tableI found myself recently reflecting on the idea that most of us tend to avoid emotional pain when it shows up in our lives, and as human beings, that’s quite often in the course of our lives.  Avoidance is generally not a good idea when it comes to our inner world.  These reflections came through me during an interview in which I had the realization that almost, if not all, of what we suffer in our lives long-term is due to our desire NOT to feel pain.  As I write this, know that I’m speaking only of emotional pain, not physical.  That’s a whole other post.

So I got to thinking about emotional pain in my life and realized that at some point along the way, years ago, I decided not to run away from the hurt when it showed up, and I literally made the choice to view pain as an old friend, as someone with a message for me, even a gift.  And rather than run away from him (feel free to choose whatever gender you’d like to personify pain as!), I wanted to embrace him, to see what would happen if I stepped fully into my fear of how awful it feels, and how I believed it would destroy me if I let myself full on make love to pain.

What I discovered then all those years ago and continue to experience is that when I allow myself to just go straight into the hurt, make a beeline into pain’s embrace and let him hold me until I finish sobbing, or yelling, that sooner than later, I move out of his arms and back into the light of my own life.  But I let myself be held there, in the hurt, in the feelings that put it all there; the past, the present, even the fear of the possible future, that all that holding on to avoid is unnecessary.  You see pain is an old friend, and wants to help you, not hurt you.

When we feel emotional pain, our instinct is to disconnect from it, to unplug and avoid.  But the truth is, that pain is often happening because we didn’t listen to our own inner wisdom about something and as a result we are now suffering.  Or maybe we lost a loved one to death, or a relationship ended.  Or disappointment, or betrayal.   Pain comes through many doorways, but know that once pain opens a portal inside you, your path to healing comes from entering into relationship with it.  That pain is a mirror for us to see ourselves and what is true and false about our lives.  Embracing it allows you to learn from it and to move beyond it into deeper wisdom and healing with yourself.

This path of surrendering to what you are feeling, the good, the bad, the ugly, the painful, is a courageous and not-so-easy path, but it is simple and highly effective.  When my heart hurts (that’s usually where the pain stems from is our aching hearts), I literally will make time and space and a pot of tea for my dear friend pain to feel welcome.  I put on music that takes me into my sadness, or madness, or whatever the case may be, and I go there, ALL THE WAY, and I don’t come out until I’m purged and feel freed.

Walking this road less traveled with Pain brings an exquisite and ultimate freedom, as we no longer fear feeling.

Stop and think about this for a minute.  When we avoid our feelings and stuff them, either in our mouths with food, or drugs or alcohol or sex, or extreme adventures, we are avoiding.  Just because we are avoiding the pain doesn’t mean it’s not there.  It is, very much so, and as you drive it underground, it gets stronger, as it’s trying to get your attention for a reason.  Then as you avoid over the years, it becomes this heavy burden you are carrying around, year after year, and you’re still in pain.  This is also known as baggage, and we carry it around allowing it to poison our relationships with others, but most of all with ourselves.

It seeps into your consciousness now and again, more and more as you try to pretend its non-existence, burying it deeper and deeper into the fabric of your subconscious, and slowly but surely it extinguishes your joy.  It gets heavier and heavier as time goes by, putting literal weight on your body, your heart and your mind, when in reality, if you’d just been with him when he first showed up, it would be healed.  Is it intense?  Hell yeah.  Is it worth it?  More than I can ever convey with words.

So try it.  The next time you find yourself hurting to the core, heart aching, filled with Pain.  Invite him (or her) in, and have a cup of tea together.  It will change your life, your perspective and your sense of what you are capable of dealing with.  Most of all, you’ll have made a dear friend of an old enemy, and that, pure and simple, is healing.

Please share this post with just one person you care about.  I find so often that somewhere in my day, I needed to hear something to lift me up, and frequently it comes from unexpected people or places.  So if you have an intuitive nudge that someone you know needs to hear this, don’t ignore your feeling.  It’s a small way we can make a difference in others lives using this tool of the Internet.

And if you’re new to GinaCology, please visit my website, join my mailing list, and take advantage of many inspirational freebies (and some not free).  And as always, I love to hear from you, so leave a comment, or e-mail me from my contacts page.

 

IMG_4796Much love,

Gina Cloud

ARE YOU PROJECTING SEXUALITY OR FEMININITY?

_MG_8166Ladies, ask yourself the question am I projecting sexuality or femininity into my world? What’s the difference? It’s energy and intent and it’s a powerful attractor even if you’re clueless to its existence. It’s your vibration which brings EVERYTHING in your life right to your front door. It’s energy Fed Ex.

If you’re projecting (or vibrating to) sexuality, you’re in essence saying ” come do me.”  From this place you will attract men looking to get laid. So if you’re looking for an emotionally intimate relationship, you won’t find it with this energy as your bait, as this vibe will bring men who want you in a sexual way, plain and simple. Projecting from sexuality means DOING something to get attention, generally via your appearance, and a lack of belief in your inner wealth as a woman.  For the most part a projection of sexuality is shallow, acknowledging only one small part of your beauty, your gifts, your magnificent energy as a woman.  It’s the part the media and the  marketing world can’t live without, your sexiness, but it robs you of a deeper experience in your life when you pander to this idea that your true value resides here.  It’s like saying, my value as a woman is in my appearance and as a sex object.  The word object itself refers to something OUTSIDE of you.   And understand projecting sexuality has NOTHING to do with how you dress and more with how you express.  A man recently told me that when he was in Italy that the women there dress in these very short dresses and high heels, that here in Hollywood would make a woman be perceived as a hooker, but there, because of their internal energy, they are so beautiful and alluring.  That energy is femininity.

Femininity is an exquisite quality that ALL women possess.  Some feel it and dismiss it as weakness.  Some feel it and are afraid of its power. Some choose Feminism instead .  Some simply don’t feel it at all, because it makes them feel too vulnerable.  And I’m not surprised, because our modern world does not support the very things that would allow a woman to tap deeply into her feminine essence and to offer that to everyone she meets and engages.  Our world in all its masculine ways doesn’t create a space for women to feel SAFE enough to allow that vibration to flourish.  And we as women have slowly but surely abandoned what keeps us connected to our core.  Those of you who follow my work know that a key one is our menstrual cycle.  Disconnection from this alone is responsible for more women living like men and projecting only sexuality without connection to the depth of our feminine.

Femininity is pure power in its essence.  It’s magnetic.  It’s in our BEING as women, not our doing.  A woman projecting femininity can wear baggy overalls and no makeup and yet her radiance will be felt a mile away by both men and women, and she will be desired on MANY levels.  Sexuality is part of femininity.  But femininity is not necessarily part of sexuality. Why do I say this?  Because the projection of sexuality is truly about using our external appearance to create lust in an attempt to bring a man to you.  It creates an energy whereby in essence we allow ourselves to be used.  It is one-dimensional, whereas true femininity is endlessly dimensional.  It’s like seeing one piece of a puzzle, instead of the whole puzzle.  Just think about those Victoria’s Secret catalogues that men love to look at.  I don’t think they’re wondering what it would be like to get to know those women in a relationship.   When men want you for the way you look or for the sexual energy you project, and ONLY for this, you will never feel seen, acknowledged or valued.  And you will feel insecure.  So why go out there projecting this energy in the first place?

If you are longing to be in a relationship but you are projecting sexuality when you go out into the world, your longing won’t be met.  The men that will “relate” to you will want sexual relationships because you are overtly offering this to them through your energetic expression.  And the energy driving our expression is more powerful than the expression itself.  Do you believe you have to seduce with your appearance and your body to get a man?  If you do, then you will attract a man who wants your body and is drawn to your appearance.  You will be projecting sexuality.  If you are projecting femininity, a man will want to relate to ALL of you, as your mystery as a woman will draw him into YOU, not just your body.   Your sexuality expressed THROUGH your feminine energy will take you both to places of pure ecstasy. This is the whole puzzle.

So ask yourself what you believe about your value, your worth as a woman and what will draw a man to you.  Is it YOU, your feminine essence, or is it your sexuality?  Take time to examine this question and to observe what you believe and feel as you move through the world.  And if you’re in a relationship already, these questions are still important.  Did you attract from sexual projection or from being in your feminine essence?  What have you manifested and is it working for you? And remember, projecting your feminine energy whether you are seeking relationship or not, will bring you into more harmony with YOURSELF, and that is truly most important.  So be deliberate and intentional in how you use your energy and what you choose to create in your life, and in your world as a W.O.M.A.N.

Just some things to ponder…let me know your thoughts or leave a comment below this post.

If you liked this, please share, and visit my website, join my mailing list, and take advantage of free and paid for stuff on my products page.  I have two webinars in June for you, Ladies, so check them out on the webinars page.  Guys, please share this post with the women (and men!) you feel would benefit.  And thanks for letting me be of service to you in your life.

Love and Blessings,

Gina

Want to explore more of your feminine energy?  Check out my book, W.O.M.A.N. -A New Definition.

Why There’s No Such Thing as Casual Sex

twin flame image  There’s no such thing as casual sex.

I was reflecting on this idea of what people commonly call casual sex, which is pretty much most sex these days it seems,  and it occurred to me when someone sticks their most intimate part of their body into my most intimate part of my body, that’s not casual on any level. Not for either person. Just because so many times people hardly know each other before they decide to get naked and explore each other’s genitals in one form or another, doesn’t mean that it isn’t something that  affects us profoundly, and on layers and levels of our psyches and souls that we can’t fathom consciously.

I recently wrote a blog post about the wisdom and vulnerability of the vagina that has been making the rounds and many of you may have read it. If you haven’t, when you finish this one you should check it out in the archives here.   It speaks in great detail to this idea for women in particular, so go check it out after you read this post.

So let’s explore how it is even conceivably possible that genital contact is casual. We can extend it to oral sex but the place where I find it most compelling to examine is of course in intercourse.

How could the merging of these two anatomical components of human existence that create new human existence be called casual in any sense? Seriously, stop and think about this. Ladies, any time you sleep with a man, any time you allow him to enter you, you have just had an intimate experience. If this man is a stranger, you basically have just participated in your own home invasion, LOL.

Guys, when you don’t know this woman, you really are using her as a receptacle, as a vehicle for your own pleasure, not saying that a woman may not be doing the exact same thing because that, after all, is the general intention in casual sex but, guys, come on, you protect your precious family jewels and then you just willy-nilly, (I really didn’t intend that pun, but let’s go with it), you find yourself inside  a stranger with your most vulnerable asset aside from your heart. You’re literally inside a woman’s body, one with her for all intents and purposes, and you’re going to tell me that’s casual? And why don’t you have enough self-respect to think with the head on your shoulders instead of the one in your pants?

The awkwardness and discomfort most people feel after casual sex literally makes my point here because you KNOW that was an intimate experience despite your lack of emotional presence.

Now let’s talk a little bit about some of the physical aspects of  casual sex that present themselves as forms of “sexual dysfunction” like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.   I’m starting with the guys first for a change, and because the blog I wrote about the vulnerability and wisdom of the vagina has the ladies covered on this.    All the science talks about stress and performance anxiety and all those mental pieces that go into affecting a man’s erection or his ability to sustain it without coming too quickly. But what about the part of the man on the consciousness level that actually understands that engaging with another human being sexually is a powerful and important event?   The body never lies. It speaks the truth on so many levels about so many things. I truly believe that in many cases when a man is unable to sustain an erection or is a premature ejaculator, he just doesn’t want to be with that woman. And his body knows that and won’t cooperate.  What you’re looking for guys, is a heart-on and when you choose women not aligned with that desire, you can’t get it up, keep it up, or you just come quickly.  You body is trying to keep you from betraying a deeper part of your nature, one that society conveniently likes to leave out as it defines masculinity for you.

I also believe that men in many ways have more sensitive hearts than women,(more on that in another post) and I err on the side of believing in you guys and holding you to higher standards than perhaps society does (or you do yourself.)

In the case of premature ejaculation I like to think it’s kind of like ” I don’t really want to be here so let me hurry up and get it over with” kind of a feeling. I know that sometimes there’s a sense of worry when a guy is with someone who he really does want to be with, but then you’re back to YOU on that one. How are you feeling about yourself in general? What’s your self-worth quotient?

These days it seems that everyone requires science in order quantify or arrive at “truth,” but I really believe that our bodies are the greatest repositories of wisdom teachings that we have and all we have to do is listen to the messages that are constantly emanating from them.

Sex is never casual, it is a powerful and important part of our lives and we should treat it that way.  There are electromagnetic currents that run through our genitals when we have sex and when the pathways are aligned and open, sex becomes sacred and alchemical.  For that alignment and openness to exist there must be a heart connection, intimacy, vulnerability, trust and surrender.  For those of you who think that’s too new-agey, there’s science behind that, and Tantra is founded on these ancient truths.

Sometimes I think we’re just masturbating and using each others bodies to do it because we’re not present with each other as human beings, in our consciousness, nor in the heart.  Both men and women need to stop being so afraid to be vulnerable with each other. If we’re able to figure out whether someone is trustable with our vulnerability, then when we take the step to get naked with them, the chances of having an amazing experience sexually go up exponentially. But we are all fucking each other too soon and without any regard for whether that person who we are about to enter or be entered by is someone that we are really aligned with in other more important ways.

And yet there are times when two people come together who may be total strangers but because of their capacity for vulnerability or intimacy can have a very powerful experience with one another. That is rare but could also very well be the norm if we were all working on cultivating a capacity for vulnerability and intimacy with ourselves first. If we did that, we would value ourselves in a higher way and we wouldn’t just jump into bed with anyone just because we have an urge. You would have more self-respect and that would cause you to honor your own sexuality as something precious.

You want to have amazing soul-stirring sex? Then stop treating it as a casual thing.

Another reason it’s not casual? Seems like everybody I talk to these days has to do a little something -something before they have sex with somebody that they’re not really connected to. A little bit of weed, some pills, Viagra, a few drinks, or other more addictive substances.   You’re overriding your body’s desire not to be with someone in many of these instances and you’re also numbing yourself from the vulnerability inherent in sexual congress.   That’s why when it’s over, you feel awkward and vulnerable, and exiting stage left, or right is on your mind.  A guy friend of mine once told me that often after having sex just for sex, he’d wish that woman would turn into a six-pack and a pizza as soon as he came.  I know some of you guys are thinking, “yep.”

When was the last time you got really truly naked with somebody, not just taking off your clothes, and not either numbing yourself or stimulating yourself artificially with a substance of any kind? That’s where the vulnerability starts and that’s what people are running from, but it’s one of the main ingredients in soul-stirring sex.  Why? Because it is the foundation for intimacy, without which we can only feel empty and disconnected from either ourselves, the person we just had sex with or both, depending on our level of self-awareness.

We are all longing for deep connection in our lives.  The internet helps us connect in certain ways, but it isolates us in others.  If we were all having intimate, connected sexual experiences, the world would be a peaceful, happy place.  That may seem idealistic, but think about how you feel when you’ve had a deep sexual exchange with someone.  Not an orgasm, but a real merging, where the two become one, as we say in tango.  Orgasm is the end in casual sex, but the beginning in deep soul-stirring sex, because when the energy of orgasm is released physically, from a state of intimacy, it lends healing energy to both parties, draws two people deeper into each other, and closer to higher states of consciousness.  Orgasm after casual sex often leaves both people feeling awkward, empty and lonely beneath the surface of whatever physical pleasure you may experience.

I invite you not to confuse being in a relationship or being married with intimacy.  There are many people in relationships and marriages who have the most casual sex of all.

So I invite you to ponder some questions about your own sexual expression.  They key to changing what isn’t working in our lives is to become self-aware, WITHOUT JUDGMENT.  When you can observe your behaviors around your sexuality, you will develop more intimacy with yourself, which can only lead to a more intimate experience with others.

How are you currently doing sex?  Do you choose sexual partners that you have a connection with outside of just physical chemistry?  Do you have a sex drive, or is it asleep?  Do you have too much sex with people who are basically strangers?  How do you feel after sex in that scenario?  When was the last time you felt close to someone after sex and wanted to stay with them?  Do you often feel empty and lonely after sex?  If you’re married or in relationship, these same questions apply to you!  What do you long for in your sexuality?  Not the fantasy acts, but through your heart and desire for love and real connection?  Do you have a lot of different sexual partners?  How conscious and present are you in your own emotional world?  Are you blocking feelings you don’t want to feel?  Do you use sex to unplug from your painful inner world?

I strive to open windows and doors inside you that will allow you to live your own authentic life.  I hope these questions will make you dig down inside and re-evaluate your relationship to yourself and your sexuality.

And as I mentioned before, please read my blog post, The Vulnerability and Wisdom of the Vagina.  It will open many more doors and windows in both women and men on this topic and invite you to view sex as much more than a casual experience.

I’ve recently partnered with Troy Casey, The Certified Health Nut, to do a series of videos and upcoming retreats and webinars on the idea of sexual healing, and bringing true intimacy to men and women through our sexuality in a real world marriage of sacred sexuality and practical tools.  Sexuality is physicality, consciousness and love, so stay tuned and follow us as we begin the dialogue around this essential aspect of our lives and invite you to post questions for us to explore in our videos.  Here’s the link to our first video. Troy is fun, funny, energetic and brings out a different aspect of my energy, so check it out.  He’s also extremely knowledgeable about all aspects of our health and wellness and well-aligned with all my philosophies on alternative health and healing.

Please share this with the men and women that you know so that we can begin to create a sexual healing revolution, so that we can all get high off of each other in a more intimate, connected, self-honoring way.

And PLEASE let me know YOUR THOUGHTS, and leave a comment below!

Much love, blessings, and soul-stirring sex,

Gina

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WHY Do You Weigh Yourself??

scale imageYesterday as I was leaving my gym, I noticed a young woman 20-ish, standing naked on the scale in the locker room.  I also noticed standing near her was another naked woman who was probably her grandmother, waiting for her turn to weigh in.  This caught my attention because I thought to myself why do we weigh ourselves?

Now a lot of  you are thinking,  “Gina done lost her mind! Duh!”   But hang with me here, because you all know that I look at things from a different angle, and generate new perspectives that I share with you.     The important thing, as I am prone to do with EVERYTHING  is to ask the question WHY.    Since I was a kid, that question is so prevalent in my life that I should be known as a whyman, instead of a woman. ( Ok, you know I always sneak in a weird pun.  Let’s hope that’s the only one today.)

Today I want to  invite you to explore the WHY to this question so that you have a vehicle to become more conscious of the many things we all do unconsciously and to break away from the herd and THINK FOR YOURSELF.  This way of thinking is like a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Ok, so seriously, why do we weigh ourselves? What real purpose does it serve? What does that number on the scale have to do with anything important or relevant in our lives? I’m speaking here of a healthy person, just as a disclaimer. I know that there are some perhaps medical conditions where weight is a determinant or a marker of something, or professional fighters weight themselves for fairness in  the ring,  but I’m speaking just of the average person and particularly women.  What’s the first thought that came to your mind in answer to that question?  Did your brain go all fuzzy with, “hmmm, to find out what I weigh?”  Think again…

That number on the scale has absolutely no meaning other than its purpose to frustrate and lower the self-esteem of almost every woman who steps onto one.    Once you get that number, you IMMEDIATELY (talk about instant non gratification)  feel that there’s something wrong with you. The number is wrong and you need to change it, even if it’s only a couple of pounds.   Which then leads to your endless googling and obsessing about the ultimate weight-loss products, or deciding to go on a diet.   That number leads to comparison of what other people weigh, like that woman you saw in the magazine (which one, so many!) that made you hate your thighs even more than you already do, or your facial lines, or your eyebrows,or your butt, or your…..fill in the blank.

THAT FREAKIN’ NUMBER is a trigger, a catalyst that’s damned near Pavlovian to make you feel bad about you! Pretty soon all you have to do is SEE a scale and you’re terrified.  All those bad feeling start a rush of chemicals in your body, aka hormones, that make you feel like crap about yourself and soon you’re depressed.    In fact, most women will tell you that just the sight of a scale provokes anxiety.   I saw a statistic that said most women weight themselves an average of twice a week, or 104 times a year!   Think about the repetition of an act that makes you feel bad about yourself that many times in a year and the effect that has on your psyche.   That irrelevant number on the scale leads to depression and the sense of inferiority for almost every woman.  Tragically, even anorexics experience exactly the same thing because the number is never small enough.

Realizing they’re not  their “ideal” weight, some women eat their feelings, so  may end up self-soothing with food, and voila, when you step on the scale, guess what??  That sneaky number is bigger.  So you’re now more depressed, and you end up on an anti-depressant, which can make you eat more, eat less, feel suicidal, lose your sex drive, and affect your hormones.  Do you see the vicious cycle that develops just from stepping onto a scale?? Do you see the path of disempowerment that can be triggered by this practice of weighing ourselves?  To some of you it may seem I’m exaggerating, but for many this is truth.

You might argue that someone who is chronically overweight and on a program to lose weight would be inspired by the number coming down, and while that is true to some degree, it is also setting them up to define their successes by THAT NUMBER, rather than celebrating their discipline, commitment and choices, and the obvious visual that they’re shrinking.

Is that number a goal, a target, a golden ticket?  Is it like winning the lottery?  And what is the RIGHT number?  There is no right number on a scale.  It’s an insidious tool to keep you in the marketplace of all the consumerism revolving around deflating and destroying women’s bodies and beauty — and ultimately our power.  The right number comes from you living a healthy, balanced life; body, mind and spirit.  Our mindset is to reward ourselves for a number goal, rather than the goal of living in integrity with our authentic selves.  I wrote a blog post a while back called “Joy, the Key To Weight Loss” (in the archives), and in it I talk about the idea that when we are content inside, we are content outside, and our weight arrives at our most healthy, natural number.

So you see the scale is actually a tool that undermines your self-esteem, your self-worth and a healthy sense of your body.  What if instead of stepping on the scale you simply paid attention to how you feel, to the way your clothes fit? What if you ate a healthy diet and allowed your body to take the shape that it naturally wants to inhabit?  What if you exercised regularly, were emotionally healthy, self-loving and had a strong and comfortable connection to your sexuality?What if you became guided by what you felt on the inside, instead of by the number reflected on the outside? A number, by the way,  chosen by an industry focused on taking your money and your self-worth.    As it’s used by most women, that scale is a weapon of self-destruction

What if you decided to never ever set foot on a scale again to find out what that number is? What if you decided right now to chuck the one you may own?

Because I do share personally, I can tell you that I have truly lived this way. I’ve never personally owned a scale, nor will I.  Like any woman, my weight has fluctuated throughout my life, and I’ve had a  child, so weight gain was part of that experience obviously.   I know personally that when I’ve been unhappy or in self-betrayal, my weight has increased or decreased from what was MY HEALTHY.  My feelings and how my clothes fit were my clues that I needed to make changes in my life.  I wasn’t striving to arrive at a number on a scale, but to arrive at a place of equanimity and joy within me.  And only I know where that place lives inside me.  That place determines my weight, but the number has been unknown to me for years.

Yes, of course I’ve weighed myself at times, but it’s how I know NOT TO.  I’ve been just as affected by seeing a number not aligned with the “ideal.”  I live in the same world with all my sisters and I’m not immune to the subliminal and overt mental manipulations all around me.  I CHOOSE to unplug from them and listen to the voice within me.  She is my compass, my wise woman, and the keeper of my health; body, mind and soul.    In my opinion, our mental health, aka our belief system, is more of a determinant in our self-esteem and physical health  than almost anything else we do.   When you pay attention from the inside, life changes radically.

So I ask you again: why do you weigh yourself?

I’m now asking  you personally as you read this to stop and to answer what may seem like the most mundane and simple question, but to answer it for YOU personally. Answer it with the ideas in mind which I’ve shared with you in this post.  This will give you a window into your own feelings which may be unconscious about your body and your relationship to it.   And I truly hope it inspires you to become a WHYman about EVERYTHING.  (sorry, there it is again.)

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone you care about,  Especially the women in your lives.   And that goes for you guys reading this, too.  I hope that for the guys who read my posts, that doors and windows open in your mind to generate a better understanding of some of the challenges women face in the struggle to feel good about themselves.

Ladies, if you’re sick and tired of all the negative manipulations around your body, beauty and power and would like some solid tools to unplug from them and to live aligned with YOUR truth, join me for an interactive teleclass, Eleven Tools to Help You Love the Body You Live In.  If you enjoyed my perspective here, I guarantee you’ll love the tools I give you that will allow you to travel a different path, one where your beauty, your body, your power, are defined by you, and one where you won’t give a damn about that number on the scale, or any of the other self-limiting and deprecating beliefs you may be plugged into.

So if you already know you’ve had enough, sign up HERE. If you’re asking “Why should I sign up?” then this post has been effective. :)  But to answer your question, it’s because I KNOW that I can make a HUGE difference in how you feel about yourself, because I GENUINELY care about you, and because I live these tools. You’ll find just a few of many testimonials on the page for the teleclass.

And if you’re still not sure, join my mailing list and receive a free 60+ question Body  Inventory that you can download when you subscribe.   The e-mail sign up box should be right below this post.

And remember to share this post with those you feel would appreciate the message.  And I invite you to weigh in here with me (got one last one in!) and leave a comment below.  I’d love to know your thoughts and have you share your feelings.  I’m deeply passionate about helping you shine your light and your beauty as fully and brightly as you can.

IMG_4796With wild, fierce love and gratitude,

Gina Cloud

Where’s your Wild W.O.M.A.N.? When was the last time you let her out?

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My wild woman in Joshua Tree, California

I’ve promised to explore each of the letters in W.O.M.A.N, and so I want to begin with the “W,” wild.  When I speak of wild in all that I write, I am not speaking of the Girls Gone Wild, MTV version or the kind that emulates male promiscuity.  I speak of a primal wildness borne of the soul and rooted in our bodies.  It is a most crucial aspect of who we are as women, and sadly a place most never visit within themselves or share with another.  That other is the truly wild man (speaking as a heterosexual woman), and I’ll get to him a little bit later, but let’s focus on the Wild Woman for now.

As I often share from my life, I can speak about the Wild Woman from a place of deep personal knowing.  She is the creature that feeds and renews my soul, and always has been, even before I knew her name.  So often in my life people refer to me as a “creature,” and it always makes me smile, because it means that they can “see” that wildness in me, front and center.  There is a duality in us as women – a tenderness of heart and this wild creature.  We are socialized to love and treasure that heart, and burned at the stake when we celebrate the wildness.  As you read this, see if you can call up a memory, a time in your life that you felt truly free, alive and instinctual.  If you can, then you have known your Wild Woman.  But don’t despair if you haven’t.  She is and always has been with you.

Of late, I’ve found myself ruminating on past relationships and realized that I have almost always let my heart, and not my Wild Woman choose my partners.  With the exception of one man, who was truly wild, they were not.  What I also realized is that because my Wild Woman was not part of that decision making process, but such a huge part of who Gina is, she ultimately was the one who made me move on.  I had not integrated her in my relationships, but she was fully present in my aloneness.  And so after what was usually several years, she would whisper or yell loudly, depending on my level of disconnect from her at the time, that she was bored and unfulfilled and would ultimately lead me out of every relationship of which she had not been a part from the beginning.  And then I would languish with her for a very long time in my aloneness.  This is part of the duality of which I speak.  Somehow we end up needing to be alone to feed her, and she will not go hungry, let me tell you!!!!!!  But having known one wild man, I know there are more.

Some women are afraid of their Wild Woman.  Many women experience her for the first time in dancing or in their sexuality.  Since society has tended to label us as promiscuous for enjoying our bodies and our sexuality (or witches!), most women subscribe to that in large or small part, and just send her packing.  But she will not be silenced for long.  For some reason in my own life, she has always been the voice I hear most clearly, and is the reason I crave freedom beyond all else.  I was never a woman who daydreamed about a wedding, and in actuality saw marriage as a prison for women.  I feel my wildness in my very core, and would rather be alone than to be with a man who is not truly wild.

So what is true wildness versus the idea that wildness equals naked bodies acting crazy?  We have all seen nature programs on TV.  When you watch wild cats or wolves stalk, hunt and devour their prey, you don’t judge them or call them bad.  You recognize that this is nature; natural, wild and pure,  that those animals are acting instinctually.  They don’t judge themselves or their actions.  They are simply free and true to what they are.  They live as their nature instructs them, through all of their senses.  They eat when hungry, sleep when moved to, have sex when it feels natural to.  They are naked and wild.  To live in harmony with our instincts and our senses, animated by our souls is what I speak of as wildness.
Does it make your heart race to see wild animals hunting one another?  Yes, but it is survival and it is part of being wild.

I love not knowing what I’m going to do next.  That might sound peculiar, but it’s the truth.  Living in total harmony with my Wild Woman means I don’t know what’s next.  I am a slave to the drives and hungers of my body most of the time, and what those are vary from day to day. Needless to say, being this way can scare people – men specifically.  My daughter also tells me that I scare her sometimes because I am unpredictable, though  not in a bad way.  What I have learned is that in honoring her, my Wild Woman, I can live, really live free.  Whenever I feel imprisoned in my life, it is because I have not fed and cared for Her.  And when I do, I am electric, fearless and attract-ive.

One of my favorite books is “Women Who Run With the Wolves,” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  It is filled with stories about the various aspects of our instinctual natures as women.  She speaks of the duality of woman in this way: “Anyone close to a wildish woman is in fact in the presence of two women; an outer being and an interior criatura(creature), one who lives in the topside world, one who lives in the world not so easily seeable.  The outer being lives by the light of day and is easily observed.  She is often pragmatic, acculturated, and very human.  The criatura, however often travels to the surfaces from far away, often appearing and then as quickly disappearing, yet always leaving behind a feeling: something surprising, original, and knowing.”

She is the part of you that is inspired and unpredictable.  She is the part that draws people to you in an inexplicable and compulsive way.  They don’t know what it is about you, but they can’t take their eyes off of you.  She is the part that makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, especially when you are naked.  If you feel at all afraid of this part of yourself, please don’t!!  You must simply remember that she is YOU.  You can begin to get to know her at any time.  How?  It’s really very simple, as she requires little to feel fed.  Sensuality is a very big part of the Wild Woman, as it is in the animal kingdom.  Pay attention to how you move through space, what you smell, what you see, how things taste and feel, what you hear, and what you sense.  That sixth sense is so present in animals, and it is in woman as well.  Simply begin to explore it.  I suggest picking one sense a day and zeroing in on it as much as you can throughout the day, until you can begin to integrate all of them at once.  Eat with your hands.  There is something very sensual and primal about using your hands to put food into the mouth – yours or someone else’s. Let your hair down!  Seriously, if you tend to wear it up or control it with clips and bands, let it be free.  Try to stay as close to your natural state of beauty as possible.  For example, I have very curly hair, thanks to my ancestral gumbo.  When I have occasionally decided to wear my hair straight, I’ve found that I can’t take it.  It makes me feel contained and restrained!  I end up washing it by day’s end to get back my curls.  They are how I was born and they are a part of my integral wildness.  Find yours!  This may sound cliched, but take off your clothes and walk around naked.  Love your body as a woman’s shape, and let go of self-judgment about that size and shape.  Find some music that is dripping in percussion and dance to it until you are dripping in sweat. Move your hips, move your hips, move your hips!!!  They are the seat of a woman’s soul.   There is nothing like drums to bring you to your wildness and your primal truth.  And make sounds from your throat, especially when you are having sex, but when you are dancing, too.  When your hips are moving, let the sound move from your throat and past your lips.  Hips and lips are intimately connected.  A woman’s whose hips are free, can also express herself freely verbally.  There is an esoteric connection between the throat and the vagina.  To open them both is to achieve ecstacy – and to share it with your partner.  Estes offers this in her book: “The way to maintain one’s connection to the wild is to ask yourself what is it that YOU want.  This is the sorting of the seed from the dirt.  One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.”

There could not be a discussion about wildness in its true, primal sense, without sex being part of that.  To really express it, we must free ourselves in our sexual expression.  That means that we need to have a partner that respects and understands our sexuality.  If you are wild and free and he is not, then you will not be able to go where you would like to.  If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, or where you are  with your current sexual expression, it will not work.  Respect and trust in bed is primordial.  Be sure that you enforce your own boundaries, so that you can attempt to arrive at a place of no boundaries together.  Love and sex are unquestionably the best of all, as long as both lovers are free.  I really believe that love is a free spirit, and one must be free to embrace it, for the spirit of love dies in captivity.

And finally a few words about the Wild Man.  Not the promiscuous dog we all hear about.  Not the man addicted to pornography.  He is the Wild Woman’s mate, truly, and a very rare find.  I believe that men are looking for and long for him as much as we long to love and connect with our Wild Woman.  I just think they are lost and confused for the most part, as they are trapped in society’s imprisoning ideas of masculinity.  Here is what Clarissa Pinkola Estes says about the Wild Man: “We know that the creature, Wild Man, is seeking his own earthy woman.  Afeared or not, it is an act of deepest love to allow oneself to be stirred by the wildish soul of another.  In a world where humans are so afraid of “losing,” there are far too many protective walls against being dissolved in the numinosity of another human soul.  The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman’s soul-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there… so, the wildish task of the man is to find her true names, and not to misuse that knowledge to seize power over her, but rather to apprehend and comprehend the numinous substance from which she is made, to let it wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him.  And to stay with it.  It will make her eyes shine.  It will make his eyes shine.”
We all know the expression that men are dogs.  Well, they are, but on a soul level, it’s a compliment.  Wild Man’s dog nature is his instinctual nature, that which allows him access to the Wild Woman.  Estes says, “It is the dog-self that learns to overcome superficial seductions and retain the most important knowings…the dog is one entire side of man’s dualistic nature.  He is the woods nature, the one who can track, who knows by sensing what is what”    (about Wild Woman.)

I’ve had these dreams lately about dogs.  I’m not much of a dreamer by night.  I think Carlos Casteneda would call me a stalker.  Usually I just crash.  My mind is so active by day, and so when I dream, I pay attention.  I’ve seen the dog nature of man in these dreams, and it’s not the colloquial slur.  They represented a deep love from the heart, a love that flows easily and long, forgives effortlessly and can fight to the death to protect you.  These are qualities that, to me, are very appealing in a man.

So find your Wild Woman.  Make regular dates with her.  Integrate her into the fullness of your life.  Let her scare you, but don’t walk away from her.   You can’t.  When we choose not to know Her, our lives fall apart and we lose touch with what it means to be a W.O.M.A.N.  Love her and let her love you.  She is pure, wild beauty.

If you’d like to take the first step to awakening your wild W.O.M.A.N., please join me for a 2-hour interactive webinar that will change your relationship to how you feel in your body, ELEVEN TOOLS TO HELP YOU LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN.

And please share this post if it moved you…or made you feel like getting on all fours…

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With fierce, wild love,

Gina Cloud

 

 

Ladies, Wake Up YOUR Sleeping Beauty and Stop Exploiting Yourselves

 Dove vs Victoria secretCLICK HERE FOR AN EASIER ON THE EYES READ.

Ladies, it’s time to wake up YOUR Sleeping Beauty.  There is an unconscious part of us as women that actually engages in our own exploitation.  It is a form of mindlessness that we have absorbed since we were little girls. We take part in the commodification of our bodies and our sexuality with very little awareness, and I’ve reached a point in observing this that I cannot stand by without sharing my perspective MORE FIERCELY than usual. I hope that the words in this post will be your Print Charming– Ok, bad pun– but the idea is that these  words serve to awaken you from your coma, dear Sleeping Beauty.  This is another long post, so get cozy…

We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.  What we believe about ourselves we broadcast out into the Universe and that signal comes back in the form of the people and circumstances we attract into our lives. From the time we are young girls we get messages from all around us that we MUST change our physical appearance in a variety of ways.  The first place seems to be our weight, and I see little girls as young as 10 already obsessing about it and dieting.   Without questioning why, we just start doing things because everyone else does; like messing around with our eyebrows as a simple example.  Now lest I appear judgmental about what women choose to do as their beauty rituals, let me say this.  I have no objection to WHAT you do so much as I ask WHY do you do what you do?  Do you know?  Have you ever stopped to ask yourself or have you just always done so?   So many women spend crazy amounts of time, money and mental energy on a multitude of appearance changing/enhancing products and services, chasing that “ideal” beauty standard and the perfection of our outsides.  Those products and services can alter your appearance so much that in some cases you just don’t look like you.    I saw a recent report that said women will spend an average of $15,000 in their lifetime on makeup alone! Not to mention all the other services and products.   The list is endless really because the industry keeps finding ways to tell you that you’re so flawed and unattractive and will never find a man unless you invest in the latest way to become perfect. So again, I ask you, have you ever actually stopped to ask yourself why? If your first thoughts are things like, “well, I would look like hell otherwise,” or “I hate my ___” fill in the blank, then I  suggest that you’ve been asleep and manipulated most of your life.  If you are doing these things because you don’t feel good enough, then I invite you to revisit doing them at all.  If you do them consciously and you do them FOR YOURSELF, that’s a different story.

I want to ask you, what are you really saying about yourself and what do you really expect to gain when you promote yourself from the outside?  What is the payoff? When it’s all about what you look like and you keep shape shifting to conform to someone else’s idea of beauty and sexiness,  you live in terror of being seen as you really are.  BUT IT’S NOT YOU FAULT, LADIES.  Your self-esteem and self-worth have been systematically and brutally hijacked from your being, so that you have no choice, from that paralyzed, numb place, to adopt the media-driven ideas of what makes a woman desirable and wanted.  It is from this place that our bodies and our sexuality become commodities.

Now let’s turn to how we exploit our own sexuality. I live in Los Angeles and move through the world and see this obsession with manipulating our appearances and pandering the “come fuck me” mindset.  I see women walking in heels so high that they could literally fall off of them and hurt themselves — in the supermarket!  I hear women’s conversations as an outsider and with friends. There is such a focus on sexiness. And so much of the conversation revolves around men and how to “get” them, and sex seems to be the bait, based on how we are focused on our outsides. I see this bartering happening energetically in an unspoken way between men and women. Yes, women’s bodies have been exploited throughout history, but when WE take part in this desecration, we are basically saying, “this is all I’m worth.  The way I look IS my value. If I’m not fuckable, I’m worthless.”  What we don’t understand is that if you actually held your sexuality at such a high value within you, you would attract a man who would have to step up to a place of integrity within himself in order to be with you.  From that place you wouldn’t attract someone interested in the shiny outsides, or who just wanted to fuck you.  The use-you kind of  fuck, not the really good kind. When we live focused on our bodies and our sexuality as our value, we set ourselves up to be used.

When we think so little of ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, when we give our souls away to look good and use that looking good to seduce a man, what caliber of man could that possibly be?  We aren’t asking much of that man, so he shows up in the smallest version of himself and the most unworthy version of himself to match the unworthiness we feel about ourselves.  And we complain about HIM, but we are creating that reality. I hope this post will cause an awakening within you that will allow you to see things from a perspective that will honor you, ALL of you. When you do, you will discover your true value, worth and inherent power, which has nothing to do with your appearance.  If every woman in the world took this stance, I believe there would be an amazing caliber of men on this planet.  We want better quality men but we are teaching them to expect so little, so they don’t have to step up and deliver with integrity.    I see the responsibility on both sides of the equation, with both genders, but ladies, the real power is within us to change all this. But are we too busy looking in the mirror to even see our power and all that we are capable of being?

Are you willing to take an honest look at how you may be unconsciously exploiting your body and your sexuality?  I’m asking you to look at YOUR MOTIVES underneath it all; to make what’s been unconscious and robotic, conscious.    We have to stop complaining about being used for sex, when we mindlessly walk around grooming ourselves to promote the message that that’s all we are good for. If you want love AND sex, are you really sending out the right signals?

I’m not saying don’t dress the way you want to or to cover yourself up. I love being a woman and I dress the way I want to express my beauty, but my sexuality is not an advertisement that precedes my entrance into the room. Nor is it the primary form of communication I use.  I am sick and tired– yes angry– at seeing young girls taken advantage of because the world we live in sexualizes them so much that they now joke about rape.   I am sick and tired of seeing young girls unable to say no to advances, because at an early age they, too, fall into this deep slumber and believe that’s what they’re here on Earth for, and that being wanted this way makes them special or validates them.  I’m sick and tired of seeing grown women aging and believing that they have no worth, spending even more of their hard-earned money to try to chase youth and get rid of the wrinkles so they can reclaim their desirability and “value.” Doesn’t this piss you off, too?

Your sexuality is a gift and a force.   Explore it, get to know and understand it, and do not allow it to be pillaged or to take part in the ways of our world that promote you as a valueless shell for someone to use and never know YOU; your heart, your soul, your real face.   When you come from a place of honoring your sexuality, it can feed you in ways that you cannot imagine because we live in a sexually shallow society.    One which, by the way, still fears the true depth, intensity and hunger of female sexuality.  When you live in integrity with this part of you, you will attract a higher caliber of man, one who values your sexuality as well, one who has great respect and integrity within himself and for himself, and one with whom you can have mind-blowing otherworldly sex.  So ladies, stop complaining about the man. Part of my inspiration to write this piece was hearing so many women complaining about them.

Know this, too. It’s a lonelier place when you live this way, in the sense that until all women live this way, it will take a while for the world of men to understand the old rules no longer apply, but you will TRULY feel better about yourself and from a place of deep self-love you will know a new kind of joy. I learned this personally the hard way, but it is the absolute truth.

This deep slumber that we are in also keeps women from bonding with each other.  When you are living this superficial life chasing the perfect body and working the best seduction tools,  when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you go into comparison. competition, insecurity and bitchiness.  You look her over and try to pick her apart in order to elevate yourself because your yardstick for value is your appearance.   When you are living in integrity with your body/sexuality,  when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you can admire her.  You want to know her.  You are drawn to her.  You recognize her as your sister.

As I wrap this up, (because clearly I could go on and on and on :)) let me leave you with some questions to ponder.  What if you could wake up naked lying alone or next to your man/lover/partner, no makeup, hair however it chooses to be, and feel so comfortable in your skin?  What if being that way was the most sensuous feeling?  What if you threw away your scale and just didn’t give a fuck? What if you stopped trying to change your appearance via whatever tools you use, no longer spending money and time obsessing about them?   What if you chose nurturing and beautifying rituals instead of appearance altering ones? Why do you do what you do?  Is it because everyone else does?  Is it because you feel unattractive?  Do you use your sexuality to “get” attention and men?  What do you really feel about your value and your worth as a person?  As a woman?  Are you doing all those self-modifications and still alone, if getting that man is what drives you? Are you part of the Victorias Sheepret parade, following the herd?  (okay, that was a weird one, I admit, but you get my point.)

If you have a daughter or wish to one day, would you want her to think so little of herself that she would follow this life path?

Enough said?  This is a lot, and I hope my words will open some doors to exploration that will lead you more fully into the depth and fullness of who you really are.    Think of this post as the kiss that woke up Sleeping Beauty…yes,that would be you. But this is no fairy tale, it’s your life.

Men reading this, I hope you will take the time to reflect on what value you place on women unconsciously, and share this post with the women you know. Try to put yourself in our shoes — The high-heeled ones that are hard to walk in, and see if you can find a place where you can show up differently in how you relate with women.

If all of this begs the question how do you get out of this maze and live authentically, I am teaching a two-hour interactive webinar with live Q&A at the end.   Click on the link for details about the webinar, HOW TO LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN, with real tools to achieve liberation from this prison.   And please, if this moved you, touched you, stirred you, please share it…And take the time to reflect on the questions I’ve posed here.

I am DEEPLY committed to each one of you and taking a stand for all that you can be and helping to liberate you from all of the boxes we live in, so that you can just shine your bright, authentic beauty and radiance into this world which so needs who YOU are.

And finally, I would love to have you join my e-mail list.  There’s an opt-in box on the bottom of this page, just below you. And visit my website for more to inspire you…

sleeping beautyMuch love and  A BIG WAKE UP KISS!

Gina

Ladies, Wake Up YOUR Sleeping Beauty and Stop Exploiting Yourselves

 Dove vs Victoria secret Ladies, it’s time to wake up YOUR Sleeping Beauty.  There is an unconscious part of us as women that actually engages in our own exploitation.  It is a form of mindlessness that we have absorbed since we were little girls. We take part in the commodification of our bodies and our sexuality with very little awareness, and I’ve reached a point in observing this that I cannot stand by without sharing my perspective MORE FIERCELY than usual. I hope that the words in this post will be your Print Charming– Ok, bad pun– but the idea is that these  words serve to awaken you from your coma, dear Sleeping Beauty.  This is another long post, so get cozy…

We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.  What we believe about ourselves we broadcast out into the Universe and that signal comes back in the form of the people and circumstances we attract into our lives. From the time we are young girls we get messages from all around us that we MUST change our physical appearance in a variety of ways.  The first place seems to be our weight, and I see little girls as young as 10 already obsessing about it and dieting.   Without questioning why, we just start doing things because everyone else does; like messing around with our eyebrows as a simple example.  Now lest I appear judgmental about what women choose to do as their beauty rituals, let me say this.  I have no objection to WHAT you do so much as I ask WHY do you do what you do?  Do you know?  Have you ever stopped to ask yourself or have you just always done so?   So many women spend crazy amounts of time, money and mental energy on a multitude of appearance changing/enhancing products and services, chasing that “ideal” beauty standard and the perfection of our outsides.  Those products and services can alter your appearance so much that in some cases you just don’t look like you.    I saw a recent report that said women will spend an average of $15,000 in their lifetime on makeup alone! Not to mention all the other services and products.   The list is endless really because the industry keeps finding ways to tell you that you’re so flawed and unattractive and will never find a man unless you invest in the latest way to become perfect. So again, I ask you, have you ever actually stopped to ask yourself why? If your first thoughts are things like, “well, I would look like hell otherwise,” or “I hate my ___” fill in the blank, then I  suggest that you’ve been asleep and manipulated most of your life.  If you are doing these things because you don’t feel good enough, then I invite you to revisit doing them at all.  If you do them consciously and you do them FOR YOURSELF, that’s a different story.

I want to ask you, what are you really saying about yourself and what do you really expect to gain when you promote yourself from the outside?  What is the payoff? When it’s all about what you look like and you keep shape shifting to conform to someone else’s idea of beauty and sexiness,  you live in terror of being seen as you really are.  BUT IT’S NOT YOU FAULT, LADIES.  Your self-esteem and self-worth have been systematically and brutally hijacked from your being, so that you have no choice, from that paralyzed, numb place, to adopt the media-driven ideas of what makes a woman desirable and wanted.  It is from this place that our bodies and our sexuality become commodities.

Now let’s turn to how we exploit our own sexuality. I live in Los Angeles and move through the world and see this obsession with manipulating our appearances and pandering the “come fuck me” mindset.  I see women walking in heels so high that they could literally fall off of them and hurt themselves — in the supermarket!  I hear women’s conversations as an outsider and with friends. There is such a focus on sexiness. And so much of the conversation revolves around men and how to “get” them, and sex seems to be the bait, based on how we are focused on our outsides. I see this bartering happening energetically in an unspoken way between men and women. Yes, women’s bodies have been exploited throughout history, but when WE take part in this desecration, we are basically saying, “this is all I’m worth.  The way I look IS my value. If I’m not fuckable, I’m worthless.”  What we don’t understand is that if you actually held your sexuality at such a high value within you, you would attract a man who would have to step up to a place of integrity within himself in order to be with you.  From that place you wouldn’t attract someone interested in the shiny outsides, or who just wanted to fuck you.  The use-you kind of  fuck, not the really good kind. When we live focused on our bodies and our sexuality as our value, we set ourselves up to be used.

When we think so little of ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, when we give our souls away to look good and use that looking good to seduce a man, what caliber of man could that possibly be?  We aren’t asking much of that man, so he shows up in the smallest version of himself and the most unworthy version of himself to match the unworthiness we feel about ourselves.  And we complain about HIM, but we are creating that reality. I hope this post will cause an awakening within you that will allow you to see things from a perspective that will honor you, ALL of you. When you do, you will discover your true value, worth and inherent power, which has nothing to do with your appearance.  If every woman in the world took this stance, I believe there would be an amazing caliber of men on this planet.  We want better quality men but we are teaching them to expect so little, so they don’t have to step up and deliver with integrity.    I see the responsibility on both sides of the equation, with both genders, but ladies, the real power is within us to change all this. But are we too busy looking in the mirror to even see our power and all that we are capable of being?

Are you willing to take an honest look at how you may be unconsciously exploiting your body and your sexuality?  I’m asking you to look at YOUR MOTIVES underneath it all; to make what’s been unconscious and robotic, conscious.    We have to stop complaining about being used for sex, when we mindlessly walk around grooming ourselves to promote the message that that’s all we are good for. If you want love AND sex, are you really sending out the right signals?

I’m not saying don’t dress the way you want to or to cover yourself up. I love being a woman and I dress the way I want to express my beauty, but my sexuality is not an advertisement that precedes my entrance into the room. Nor is it the primary form of communication I use.  I am sick and tired– yes angry– at seeing young girls taken advantage of because the world we live in sexualizes them so much that they now joke about rape.   I am sick and tired of seeing young girls unable to say no to advances, because at an early age they, too, fall into this deep slumber and believe that’s what they’re here on Earth for, and that being wanted this way makes them special or validates them.  I’m sick and tired of seeing grown women aging and believing that they have no worth, spending even more of their hard-earned money to try to chase youth and get rid of the wrinkles so they can reclaim their desirability and “value.” Doesn’t this piss you off, too?

Your sexuality is a gift and a force.   Explore it, get to know and understand it, and do not allow it to be pillaged or to take part in the ways of our world that promote you as a valueless shell for someone to use and never know YOU; your heart, your soul, your real face.   When you come from a place of honoring your sexuality, it can feed you in ways that you cannot imagine because we live in a sexually shallow society.    One which, by the way, still fears the true depth, intensity and hunger of female sexuality.  When you live in integrity with this part of you, you will attract a higher caliber of man, one who values your sexuality as well, one who has great respect and integrity within himself and for himself, and one with whom you can have mind-blowing otherworldly sex.  So ladies, stop complaining about the man. Part of my inspiration to write this piece was hearing so many women complaining about them.

Know this, too. It’s a lonelier place when you live this way, in the sense that until all women live this way, it will take a while for the world of men to understand the old rules no longer apply, but you will TRULY feel better about yourself and from a place of deep self-love you will know a new kind of joy. I learned this personally the hard way, but it is the absolute truth.

This deep slumber that we are in also keeps women from bonding with each other.  When you are living this superficial life chasing the perfect body and working the best seduction tools,  when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you go into comparison. competition, insecurity and bitchiness.  You look her over and try to pick her apart in order to elevate yourself because your yardstick for value is your appearance.   When you are living in integrity with your body/sexuality,  when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you can admire her.  You want to know her.  You are drawn to her.  You recognize her as your sister.

As I wrap this up, (because clearly I could go on and on and on :)) let me leave you with some questions to ponder.  What if you could wake up naked lying alone or next to your man/lover/partner, no makeup, hair however it chooses to be, and feel so comfortable in your skin?  What if being that way was the most sensuous feeling?  What if you threw away your scale and just didn’t give a fuck? What if you stopped trying to change your appearance via whatever tools you use, no longer spending money and time obsessing about them?   What if you chose nurturing and beautifying rituals instead of appearance altering ones? Why do you do what you do?  Is it because everyone else does?  Is it because you feel unattractive?  Do you use your sexuality to “get” attention and men?  What do you really feel about your value and your worth as a person?  As a woman?  Are you doing all those self-modifications and still alone, if getting that man is what drives you? Are you part of the Victorias Sheepret parade, following the herd?  (okay, that was a weird one, I admit, but you get my point.)

If you have a daughter or wish to one day, would you want her to think so little of herself that she would follow this life path?

Enough said?  This is a lot, and I hope my words will open some doors to exploration that will lead you more fully into the depth and fullness of who you really are.    Think of this post as the kiss that woke up Sleeping Beauty…yes,that would be you. But this is no fairy tale, it’s your life.

Men reading this, I hope you will take the time to reflect on what value you place on women unconsciously, and share this post with the women you know. Try to put yourself in our shoes — The high-heeled ones that are hard to walk in, and see if you can find a place where you can show up differently in how you relate with women.

If all of this begs the question how do you get out of this maze and live authentically, I am teaching a two-hour interactive webinar with live Q&A at the end.   Click on the link for details about the webinar, HOW TO LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN, with real tools to achieve liberation from this prison.   And please, if this moved you, touched you, stirred you, please share it…And take the time to reflect on the questions I’ve posed here.

I am DEEPLY committed to each one of you and taking a stand for all that you can be and helping to liberate you from all of the boxes we live in, so that you can just shine your bright, authentic beauty and radiance into this world which so needs who YOU are.

And finally, I would love to have you join my e-mail list.  There’s an opt-in box on the bottom of this page, just below you. And visit my website for more to inspire you…

 

sleeping beautyMuch love and  A BIG WAKE UP KISS!

Gina

The Vulnerability and Wisdom of The Vagina

yoni as portalAs I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction.  This topic is important, for both women and men.

The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation.  Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.

After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives.  There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually.  In the normal spectrum,  there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation.  Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.  For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Because without vulnerability, we are closed.  When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience.  The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment.  This is a gift of the vagina.  Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths.  It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child.  It has a profound physical resilience.  Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts.  Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis.  In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina.  In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive.  When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work.  For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas.  Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed.  When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive.  And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins.  In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.

Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves.  But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious.  When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration.   A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed.    There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality.  When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels.  And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you.  And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage.  We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included.  But your vagina invariably knows the truth.

How?  For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty.  Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway.    Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone.  When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him.  And penetration by him is beyond his penis.  When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive.  There is vulnerability and trust.  A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used,  a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.

I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them.  Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women.  I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to.  Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her.   I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them.  Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them.  Ladies, you KNOW.   You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you,  there is wisdom.

Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing.  That’s utterly ridiculous.  When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerabilty IN HER HEART.    Remember the vagina and heart are connected.  If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women.  Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm.  Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina.  It’s aggressive,  surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms.      It  deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally.   Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man.  That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.

When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly.  All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy.  But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him.  If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable.  If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration.  But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there.  And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts.  If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more.  Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina,  depression will often be the messenger.

There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape.  In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways.  Some avoid sex.  Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex.  Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again.  These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways.  Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse.  Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth.  I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated.  To have a man enter into this vulnerable place.  The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration.  For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability.  Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze.  Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies.  When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze?  Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen?  The eyes are the window to your soul.  If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration.  It’s an act of disrespect.  And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire?  How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is?  Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away.  The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart.  The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.

Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun.  Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated.   Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly.  I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy.  Women, you know.  And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.

In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women.  And many believe that women are okay with it.  Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it.  I’m offering a different perspective.  Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on.   Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb.  The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words.  I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind.  I am simply asking you to examine your motives.  If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice.    You know what your intention is.  Be mindful of that.  Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portal you are all so fond of inhabiting.  It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish.  Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen.  We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this.  We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect.  We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this.   I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women.  When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.

 

With love & blessings,

Gina