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USING PMS TO CREATE MORE INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP (For women AND men)

  Ladies, what if I told you that by learning what PMS really is, that you could use it as a tool to improve the quality of your life and your relationships?

Guys, what if I told you that PMS, through my lens, will create more intimacy and improve the quality of your relationships with all the women in your life?

Well, ladies and gents, that’s what I’m going to attempt to share with you in this post.

First of all, let’s take a look at what PMS REALLY is.  To do that I have to explain to you that in my world and the work that I do, I love to redefine negative concepts and language, imbuing them with positivity.  Life after all is all about perspective.

We tend to believe what we’ve been told growing up by the adults in our life, as well as buying into all the media messages we are bombarded with constantly.

What I do and what I’m asking you to do is THINK FOR YOURSELF.  Reframe things outside the box so that they empower you, rather than victimize you.

PMS, as I have redefined it, stands for Powerful Monthly Sight.  Ladies, open your minds.  You guys, too.

Ladies first.  Each month, beyond our hormonal changes, we have emotional shifts that happen.  I am a firm believer that this aspect has not been examined nearly closely enough in all the “research” that’s been done on our menstrual cycle, yet every woman knows what I’m talking about when I say this.

Each month, for women who tend to play “nice,” and people please for others in their lives, especially our mates and our kids, even bosses and friends, when we are not honest about our truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, we end up suppressing a lot of emotion, which always ends up turning into anger, and depending on how many years of your life you’ve been doing this, it can often turn into pure, unmitigated rage.

For women who have trouble expressing anger, it pours through your eyes as tears. but something sets you off, usually something your spouse or your child does, and you just explode.  Basically you blow emotional chunks all over the place and leave a mess everywhere.  And the truth is, you only feel better for a moment, as you have not really addressed or healed what was causing you to feel these feelings in the first place.

Men, you too experience our PMS (the mainstream version).  You notice without fail that each month, there is a cycle to the emotional issues the woman (or women, as in daughters, friends, etc.) in your life experiences, and you wisely connect the dots and often end up saying things like, “you must be about to get your period because you’re bringing THAT up again.”  When you make that statement, a woman will feel  that you’re not taking her seriously and simply labeling her hormonal, like the media and everyone else around her does, too.

What to do ladies and gents?  Go deep into the issues using my model of Powerful Monthly Sight and let the conversation lead you into the realm of intimacy.

Ladies, this is the time of the month where the rose-colored glasses come off, where you get a shot of truth serum in the arm, and all the ways that you have been BS’ing yourself all month long, perhaps for years, are in your face, in black and white.  All the ways that you have not been honoring yourself, your truth, your needs are before you in the resultant “issues,’ ready for you to address.

The problem for most women is where to start once they realize what this truly means, that this Powerful Monthly Sight is really an opportunity to work through and HEAL a lot of issues in your life.  When you adopt this new perspective you can start to say to yourself things like, “I realize that the way my guy never helps me around the house is because I have an issue asking for help.”  Or “He never listens to me,” can be reframed to a place of taking responsibility for not going to him and saying “Can we talk about something.”

The mainstream PMS model causes you to be a victim of your circumstances, to project what’s wrong in your life out onto someone else, usually your spouse.  But in reality you are a creator of your own life through your choices, and my version of PMS will allow you to take responsibility for having made the choices you did, so that you can choose differently.

This is the path of empowerment.  But until you realize it’s your choices that have created what you have in your life, good or bad, you will feel a victim to your own life.

Women are more sensitive at this time, more vulnerable.  We live in a fast-paced masculine rhythm in our world and there will be no down time to examine your life, reflect and decide how to change things that aren’t working unless you SCHEDULE TIME WITH YOURSELF,  quiet time, away from all distractions.  That’s why I advocate for women to take a few days BEFORE their periods start to be with self and reflect.

After that reflection, with some clarity about what’s on your mind, talk to your man and allow “issues” to transmute into intimacy.  That’s really what they’re designed to do if we are courageous enough to go there.

Now men, here’s what you can do.  There’s nothing wrong ostensibly with mentioning that her period must be near because she’s brought up an issue.  It’s not what you say; it’s HOW you say it.  Perhaps saying, “This is an issue that comes up for you regularly, honey.  It must be important to you.  Do you want to talk about it?”

Now before you think, “no way, I’m not going into the lion’s den,” just give it a try.  Preferably AFTER she’s read this article.  LOL.

Also for you men, one of the things that I know you notice is that women shut down sexually with their cycles (though some do get hornier), but you may not realize that the biggest reason is not hormonal, but emotional.  When we are feeling closed in our hearts, our legs tend to close, too.  When we have a pile of unresolved issues inside of us that we never talk about, we shut down. Depression is a very common symptom of PMS.   Depression is the repression and ignore-ance of self, of our needs.  Passionate, free-flowing sexuality is a byproduct of openness.  Get the connection?

For men who really love their women, this Powerful Monthly Sight time is a way to bring EMOTIONAL closeness into the relationship.  I feel that this is the weakest link for most couples, probably because it requires the most sustained, ongoing effort, but it is also the most rewarding as that emotional closeness keeps the passion alive for both men and women.

So make time to talk, REALLY HONESTLY.  This is a time for you men to really just listen.  I know you’re solution oriented, but sometimes we just need to vent.  For most men, to just vent without figuring out HOW to fix it makes little sense, but for us women, getting it off our chest is often part of the solution.

And ladies, don’t make him wrong!  When you do that to a man, he shuts down.  Take responsibility for your choices and speak honestly and clearly about what’s bothering you.  Use the pronoun “I’ in the conversations much more than “you” when you start your sentences.  Then ask for what you need from your partner.  You’ll be amazed at how much closer you will feel after doing this.  And just keep working at it.  You’ll have a chance every month to perfect your skill set.  And remember to keep the love flowing. Then PMS can be Powerful Monthly (in)Sight!

If these ideas have made you curious about how reframing your cycle and PMS can change the quality of your life and you want to learn more,  I’ve created an audio product that will help you connect more deeply, honestly and authentically with your cycle and teach you how to navigate your PMS as Powerful Monthly Sight.  And men, listening to it will help you to understand the women in your life better and improve the quality of your relationships with them; whether they are lovers, wives, sisters, friends.   It’s called Your Menstrual Cycle as Teacher, Mentor, GPS.  You can check it out HERE.  There’s truly nothing else like it out there in the world on this topic. :)

If you’re new to my work and want to learn more, please join my mailing list.  There’s a box here on the page, top right, or on my website.  There are lots of free downloads as my thank you to you for your e-mail.

Please share this post with all the women in your life, and the men, too.  We discuss so many things in life with ease and openness.  I think it’s time we d0 the same with our menstrual cycle.  It’s one of the many gifts of woman.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the tutorial!

Much Love,

Gina Cloud

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GinaCology Principle No. 2 -Know Your Body INTIMATELY

sleeping beauty GinaCology Principle No. 2 is that women (and men, too really!) should be intimate with their bodies, both from a health perspective and a sexual one. Your health is YOUR responsibility and without an intimate relationship with your body, all aspects of your life become problematic; mentally, emotionally, spiritually and definitely physically.  Becoming aware of how aware or not aware you are of your own body is critical.

I made a video on this topic and share a lot on my philosophy about this, as well as give tips on how to approach and accomplish living connected to your body this way.  It’s part one, covering the health aspect. I’ll be sharing the second video on the sexuality aspect soon.

CLICK HERE to enjoy, and please share with other women, and men!

If you’re new to my work, please VISIT MY WEBSITE and join my mailing list to stay up to date with what I’m up to.  And please spend time on my blog, as I have many great topics I’ve written on that will really enrich your life! 

And ladies, when you join my mailing list, you’ll receive a free body inventory assessment of 60+ questions to help you get more attuned with your body around this topic.

Again, HERE’S THE VIDEO.

Much love,

Gina Cloud

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ARE YOU PROJECTING SEXUALITY OR FEMININITY?

_MG_8166Ladies, ask yourself the question am I projecting sexuality or femininity into my world? What’s the difference? It’s energy and intent and it’s a powerful attractor even if you’re clueless to its existence. It’s your vibration which brings EVERYTHING in your life right to your front door. It’s energy Fed Ex.

If you’re projecting (or vibrating to) sexuality, you’re in essence saying ” come do me.”  From this place you will attract men looking to get laid. So if you’re looking for an emotionally intimate relationship, you won’t find it with this energy as your bait, as this vibe will bring men who want you in a sexual way, plain and simple. Projecting from sexuality means DOING something to get attention, generally via your appearance, and a lack of belief in your inner wealth as a woman.  For the most part a projection of sexuality is shallow, acknowledging only one small part of your beauty, your gifts, your magnificent energy as a woman.  It’s the part the media and the  marketing world can’t live without, your sexiness, but it robs you of a deeper experience in your life when you pander to this idea that your true value resides here.  It’s like saying, my value as a woman is in my appearance and as a sex object.  The word object itself refers to something OUTSIDE of you.   And understand projecting sexuality has NOTHING to do with how you dress and more with how you express.  A man recently told me that when he was in Italy that the women there dress in these very short dresses and high heels, that here in Hollywood would make a woman be perceived as a hooker, but there, because of their internal energy, they are so beautiful and alluring.  That energy is femininity.

Femininity is an exquisite quality that ALL women possess.  Some feel it and dismiss it as weakness.  Some feel it and are afraid of its power. Some choose Feminism instead .  Some simply don’t feel it at all, because it makes them feel too vulnerable.  And I’m not surprised, because our modern world does not support the very things that would allow a woman to tap deeply into her feminine essence and to offer that to everyone she meets and engages.  Our world in all its masculine ways doesn’t create a space for women to feel SAFE enough to allow that vibration to flourish.  And we as women have slowly but surely abandoned what keeps us connected to our core.  Those of you who follow my work know that a key one is our menstrual cycle.  Disconnection from this alone is responsible for more women living like men and projecting only sexuality without connection to the depth of our feminine.

Femininity is pure power in its essence.  It’s magnetic.  It’s in our BEING as women, not our doing.  A woman projecting femininity can wear baggy overalls and no makeup and yet her radiance will be felt a mile away by both men and women, and she will be desired on MANY levels.  Sexuality is part of femininity.  But femininity is not necessarily part of sexuality. Why do I say this?  Because the projection of sexuality is truly about using our external appearance to create lust in an attempt to bring a man to you.  It creates an energy whereby in essence we allow ourselves to be used.  It is one-dimensional, whereas true femininity is endlessly dimensional.  It’s like seeing one piece of a puzzle, instead of the whole puzzle.  Just think about those Victoria’s Secret catalogues that men love to look at.  I don’t think they’re wondering what it would be like to get to know those women in a relationship.   When men want you for the way you look or for the sexual energy you project, and ONLY for this, you will never feel seen, acknowledged or valued.  And you will feel insecure.  So why go out there projecting this energy in the first place?

If you are longing to be in a relationship but you are projecting sexuality when you go out into the world, your longing won’t be met.  The men that will “relate” to you will want sexual relationships because you are overtly offering this to them through your energetic expression.  And the energy driving our expression is more powerful than the expression itself.  Do you believe you have to seduce with your appearance and your body to get a man?  If you do, then you will attract a man who wants your body and is drawn to your appearance.  You will be projecting sexuality.  If you are projecting femininity, a man will want to relate to ALL of you, as your mystery as a woman will draw him into YOU, not just your body.   Your sexuality expressed THROUGH your feminine energy will take you both to places of pure ecstasy. This is the whole puzzle.

So ask yourself what you believe about your value, your worth as a woman and what will draw a man to you.  Is it YOU, your feminine essence, or is it your sexuality?  Take time to examine this question and to observe what you believe and feel as you move through the world.  And if you’re in a relationship already, these questions are still important.  Did you attract from sexual projection or from being in your feminine essence?  What have you manifested and is it working for you? And remember, projecting your feminine energy whether you are seeking relationship or not, will bring you into more harmony with YOURSELF, and that is truly most important.  So be deliberate and intentional in how you use your energy and what you choose to create in your life, and in your world as a W.O.M.A.N.

Just some things to ponder…let me know your thoughts or leave a comment below this post.

If you liked this, please share, and visit my website, join my mailing list, and take advantage of free and paid for stuff on my products page.  I have two webinars in June for you, Ladies, so check them out on the webinars page.  Guys, please share this post with the women (and men!) you feel would benefit.  And thanks for letting me be of service to you in your life.

Love and Blessings,

Gina

Want to explore more of your feminine energy?  Check out my book, W.O.M.A.N. -A New Definition.

Where’s your Wild W.O.M.A.N.? When was the last time you let her out?

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My wild woman in Joshua Tree, California

I’ve promised to explore each of the letters in W.O.M.A.N, and so I want to begin with the “W,” wild.  When I speak of wild in all that I write, I am not speaking of the Girls Gone Wild, MTV version or the kind that emulates male promiscuity.  I speak of a primal wildness borne of the soul and rooted in our bodies.  It is a most crucial aspect of who we are as women, and sadly a place most never visit within themselves or share with another.  That other is the truly wild man (speaking as a heterosexual woman), and I’ll get to him a little bit later, but let’s focus on the Wild Woman for now.

As I often share from my life, I can speak about the Wild Woman from a place of deep personal knowing.  She is the creature that feeds and renews my soul, and always has been, even before I knew her name.  So often in my life people refer to me as a “creature,” and it always makes me smile, because it means that they can “see” that wildness in me, front and center.  There is a duality in us as women – a tenderness of heart and this wild creature.  We are socialized to love and treasure that heart, and burned at the stake when we celebrate the wildness.  As you read this, see if you can call up a memory, a time in your life that you felt truly free, alive and instinctual.  If you can, then you have known your Wild Woman.  But don’t despair if you haven’t.  She is and always has been with you.

Of late, I’ve found myself ruminating on past relationships and realized that I have almost always let my heart, and not my Wild Woman choose my partners.  With the exception of one man, who was truly wild, they were not.  What I also realized is that because my Wild Woman was not part of that decision making process, but such a huge part of who Gina is, she ultimately was the one who made me move on.  I had not integrated her in my relationships, but she was fully present in my aloneness.  And so after what was usually several years, she would whisper or yell loudly, depending on my level of disconnect from her at the time, that she was bored and unfulfilled and would ultimately lead me out of every relationship of which she had not been a part from the beginning.  And then I would languish with her for a very long time in my aloneness.  This is part of the duality of which I speak.  Somehow we end up needing to be alone to feed her, and she will not go hungry, let me tell you!!!!!!  But having known one wild man, I know there are more.

Some women are afraid of their Wild Woman.  Many women experience her for the first time in dancing or in their sexuality.  Since society has tended to label us as promiscuous for enjoying our bodies and our sexuality (or witches!), most women subscribe to that in large or small part, and just send her packing.  But she will not be silenced for long.  For some reason in my own life, she has always been the voice I hear most clearly, and is the reason I crave freedom beyond all else.  I was never a woman who daydreamed about a wedding, and in actuality saw marriage as a prison for women.  I feel my wildness in my very core, and would rather be alone than to be with a man who is not truly wild.

So what is true wildness versus the idea that wildness equals naked bodies acting crazy?  We have all seen nature programs on TV.  When you watch wild cats or wolves stalk, hunt and devour their prey, you don’t judge them or call them bad.  You recognize that this is nature; natural, wild and pure,  that those animals are acting instinctually.  They don’t judge themselves or their actions.  They are simply free and true to what they are.  They live as their nature instructs them, through all of their senses.  They eat when hungry, sleep when moved to, have sex when it feels natural to.  They are naked and wild.  To live in harmony with our instincts and our senses, animated by our souls is what I speak of as wildness.
Does it make your heart race to see wild animals hunting one another?  Yes, but it is survival and it is part of being wild.

I love not knowing what I’m going to do next.  That might sound peculiar, but it’s the truth.  Living in total harmony with my Wild Woman means I don’t know what’s next.  I am a slave to the drives and hungers of my body most of the time, and what those are vary from day to day. Needless to say, being this way can scare people – men specifically.  My daughter also tells me that I scare her sometimes because I am unpredictable, though  not in a bad way.  What I have learned is that in honoring her, my Wild Woman, I can live, really live free.  Whenever I feel imprisoned in my life, it is because I have not fed and cared for Her.  And when I do, I am electric, fearless and attract-ive.

One of my favorite books is “Women Who Run With the Wolves,” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  It is filled with stories about the various aspects of our instinctual natures as women.  She speaks of the duality of woman in this way: “Anyone close to a wildish woman is in fact in the presence of two women; an outer being and an interior criatura(creature), one who lives in the topside world, one who lives in the world not so easily seeable.  The outer being lives by the light of day and is easily observed.  She is often pragmatic, acculturated, and very human.  The criatura, however often travels to the surfaces from far away, often appearing and then as quickly disappearing, yet always leaving behind a feeling: something surprising, original, and knowing.”

She is the part of you that is inspired and unpredictable.  She is the part that draws people to you in an inexplicable and compulsive way.  They don’t know what it is about you, but they can’t take their eyes off of you.  She is the part that makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, especially when you are naked.  If you feel at all afraid of this part of yourself, please don’t!!  You must simply remember that she is YOU.  You can begin to get to know her at any time.  How?  It’s really very simple, as she requires little to feel fed.  Sensuality is a very big part of the Wild Woman, as it is in the animal kingdom.  Pay attention to how you move through space, what you smell, what you see, how things taste and feel, what you hear, and what you sense.  That sixth sense is so present in animals, and it is in woman as well.  Simply begin to explore it.  I suggest picking one sense a day and zeroing in on it as much as you can throughout the day, until you can begin to integrate all of them at once.  Eat with your hands.  There is something very sensual and primal about using your hands to put food into the mouth – yours or someone else’s. Let your hair down!  Seriously, if you tend to wear it up or control it with clips and bands, let it be free.  Try to stay as close to your natural state of beauty as possible.  For example, I have very curly hair, thanks to my ancestral gumbo.  When I have occasionally decided to wear my hair straight, I’ve found that I can’t take it.  It makes me feel contained and restrained!  I end up washing it by day’s end to get back my curls.  They are how I was born and they are a part of my integral wildness.  Find yours!  This may sound cliched, but take off your clothes and walk around naked.  Love your body as a woman’s shape, and let go of self-judgment about that size and shape.  Find some music that is dripping in percussion and dance to it until you are dripping in sweat. Move your hips, move your hips, move your hips!!!  They are the seat of a woman’s soul.   There is nothing like drums to bring you to your wildness and your primal truth.  And make sounds from your throat, especially when you are having sex, but when you are dancing, too.  When your hips are moving, let the sound move from your throat and past your lips.  Hips and lips are intimately connected.  A woman’s whose hips are free, can also express herself freely verbally.  There is an esoteric connection between the throat and the vagina.  To open them both is to achieve ecstacy – and to share it with your partner.  Estes offers this in her book: “The way to maintain one’s connection to the wild is to ask yourself what is it that YOU want.  This is the sorting of the seed from the dirt.  One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.”

There could not be a discussion about wildness in its true, primal sense, without sex being part of that.  To really express it, we must free ourselves in our sexual expression.  That means that we need to have a partner that respects and understands our sexuality.  If you are wild and free and he is not, then you will not be able to go where you would like to.  If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, or where you are  with your current sexual expression, it will not work.  Respect and trust in bed is primordial.  Be sure that you enforce your own boundaries, so that you can attempt to arrive at a place of no boundaries together.  Love and sex are unquestionably the best of all, as long as both lovers are free.  I really believe that love is a free spirit, and one must be free to embrace it, for the spirit of love dies in captivity.

And finally a few words about the Wild Man.  Not the promiscuous dog we all hear about.  Not the man addicted to pornography.  He is the Wild Woman’s mate, truly, and a very rare find.  I believe that men are looking for and long for him as much as we long to love and connect with our Wild Woman.  I just think they are lost and confused for the most part, as they are trapped in society’s imprisoning ideas of masculinity.  Here is what Clarissa Pinkola Estes says about the Wild Man: “We know that the creature, Wild Man, is seeking his own earthy woman.  Afeared or not, it is an act of deepest love to allow oneself to be stirred by the wildish soul of another.  In a world where humans are so afraid of “losing,” there are far too many protective walls against being dissolved in the numinosity of another human soul.  The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman’s soul-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there… so, the wildish task of the man is to find her true names, and not to misuse that knowledge to seize power over her, but rather to apprehend and comprehend the numinous substance from which she is made, to let it wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him.  And to stay with it.  It will make her eyes shine.  It will make his eyes shine.”
We all know the expression that men are dogs.  Well, they are, but on a soul level, it’s a compliment.  Wild Man’s dog nature is his instinctual nature, that which allows him access to the Wild Woman.  Estes says, “It is the dog-self that learns to overcome superficial seductions and retain the most important knowings…the dog is one entire side of man’s dualistic nature.  He is the woods nature, the one who can track, who knows by sensing what is what”    (about Wild Woman.)

I’ve had these dreams lately about dogs.  I’m not much of a dreamer by night.  I think Carlos Casteneda would call me a stalker.  Usually I just crash.  My mind is so active by day, and so when I dream, I pay attention.  I’ve seen the dog nature of man in these dreams, and it’s not the colloquial slur.  They represented a deep love from the heart, a love that flows easily and long, forgives effortlessly and can fight to the death to protect you.  These are qualities that, to me, are very appealing in a man.

So find your Wild Woman.  Make regular dates with her.  Integrate her into the fullness of your life.  Let her scare you, but don’t walk away from her.   You can’t.  When we choose not to know Her, our lives fall apart and we lose touch with what it means to be a W.O.M.A.N.  Love her and let her love you.  She is pure, wild beauty.

If you’d like to take the first step to awakening your wild W.O.M.A.N., please join me for a 2-hour interactive webinar that will change your relationship to how you feel in your body, ELEVEN TOOLS TO HELP YOU LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN.

And please share this post if it moved you…or made you feel like getting on all fours…

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With fierce, wild love,

Gina Cloud

 

 

The Vulnerability and Wisdom of The Vagina

yoni as portalAs I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction.  This topic is important, for both women and men.

The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation.  Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.

After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives.  There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually.  In the normal spectrum,  there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation.  Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.  For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Because without vulnerability, we are closed.  When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience.  The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment.  This is a gift of the vagina.  Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths.  It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child.  It has a profound physical resilience.  Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts.  Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis.  In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina.  In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive.  When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work.  For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas.  Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed.  When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive.  And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins.  In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.

Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves.  But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious.  When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration.   A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed.    There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality.  When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels.  And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you.  And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage.  We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included.  But your vagina invariably knows the truth.

How?  For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty.  Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway.    Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone.  When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him.  And penetration by him is beyond his penis.  When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive.  There is vulnerability and trust.  A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used,  a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.

I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them.  Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women.  I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to.  Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her.   I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them.  Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them.  Ladies, you KNOW.   You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you,  there is wisdom.

Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing.  That’s utterly ridiculous.  When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerabilty IN HER HEART.    Remember the vagina and heart are connected.  If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women.  Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm.  Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina.  It’s aggressive,  surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms.      It  deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally.   Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man.  That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.

When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly.  All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy.  But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him.  If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable.  If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration.  But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there.  And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts.  If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more.  Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina,  depression will often be the messenger.

There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape.  In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways.  Some avoid sex.  Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex.  Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again.  These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways.  Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse.  Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth.  I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated.  To have a man enter into this vulnerable place.  The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration.  For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability.  Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze.  Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies.  When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze?  Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen?  The eyes are the window to your soul.  If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration.  It’s an act of disrespect.  And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire?  How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is?  Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away.  The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart.  The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.

Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun.  Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated.   Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly.  I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy.  Women, you know.  And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.

In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women.  And many believe that women are okay with it.  Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it.  I’m offering a different perspective.  Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on.   Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb.  The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words.  I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind.  I am simply asking you to examine your motives.  If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice.    You know what your intention is.  Be mindful of that.  Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portal you are all so fond of inhabiting.  It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish.  Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen.  We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this.  We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect.  We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this.   I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women.  When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.

 

With love & blessings,

Gina

A WEBINAR FOR MY LADIES: Your Menstrual Cycle as Teacher, Mentor and GPS Of Your Life

big hair8L1V1343         As some of you know, I’ve been WAY slow on catching up with technology and social media.   I’m an in-person kind of gal. Many of you have been asking me to do this for years, and finally I’ve surrendered (something I actually love to do :)) and put together a series of webinars.  The first one is:

Your Menstrual Cycle as Teacher, Mentor and GPS Of Your Life

I know, those of you who may be new to my world and my work are ready to move on from this page, thinking WTF?? That’s a response I’m used to.    But don’t.  I have never failed to bring great clarity and inspiration to ALL women who have been exposed to this particular aspect of my work.  It’s truly life-altering.  So click on the link above or HERE and see what I have in store for you.  Spots are limited, and I will have Q&A to answer your specific questions.

And guys, you’re more than welcome to join in, too.  This information will only make your relationships with women better; whether they are wives, girlfriends, friends, sisters, daughters.  If you’re a guy reading this, please share it with the women in your life.

And please hit share if you feel this would be great for someone you know.  Join me on January 24…let’s get in the flow together.  Okay, horrible pun.  :)

 

With love & gratitude,

Gina

 

 

The Vulnerability and Wisdom of The Vagina

yoni as portalAs I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction.  This topic is important, for both women and men.

The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation.  Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.

After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives.  There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually.  In the normal spectrum,  there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation.  Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.  For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Because without vulnerability, we are closed.  When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience.  The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment.  This is a gift of the vagina.  Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths.  It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child.  It has a profound physical resilience.  Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts.  Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis.  In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina.  In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive.  When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work.  For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas.  Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed.  When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive.  And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins.  In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.

Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves.  But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious.  When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration.   A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed.    There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality.  When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels.  And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you.  And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage.  We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included.  But your vagina invariably knows the truth.

How?  For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty.  Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway.    Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone.  When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him.  And penetration by him is beyond his penis.  When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive.  There is vulnerability and trust.  A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used,  a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.

I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them.  Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women.  I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to.  Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her.   I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them.  Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them.  Ladies, you KNOW.   You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you,  there is wisdom.

Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing.  That’s utterly ridiculous.  When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerabilty IN HER HEART.    Remember the vagina and heart are connected.  If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women.  Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm.  Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina.  It’s aggressive,  surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms.      It  deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally.   Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man.  That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.

When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly.  All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy.  But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him.  If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable.  If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration.  But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there.  And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts.  If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more.  Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina,  depression will often be the messenger.

There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape.  In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways.  Some avoid sex.  Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex.  Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again.  These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways.  Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse.  Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth.  I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated.  To have a man enter into this vulnerable place.  The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration.  For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability.  Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze.  Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies.  When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze?  Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen?  The eyes are the window to your soul.  If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration.  It’s an act of disrespect.  And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire?  How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is?  Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away.  The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart.  The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.

Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun.  Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated.   Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly.  I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy.  Women, you know.  And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.

In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women.  And many believe that women are okay with it.  Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it.  I’m offering a different perspective.  Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on.   Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb.  The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words.  I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind.  I am simply asking you to examine your motives.  If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice.    You know what your intention is.  Be mindful of that.  Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portable you are all so fond of inhabiting.  It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish.  Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen.  We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this.  We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect.  We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this.   I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women.  When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.

 

With love & blessings,

Gina

The Gift of Betrayal

_MG_8112No one can betray you, unless you are betraying yourself. This is a simple but true statement. Everyone at some time in their life will know this devastating experience. It seems an inevitability of life’s teachings. It comes with the territory when we are living out of alignment with our truth. This living out of alignment with who we really, this self-betrayal, sets the groundwork for being betrayed by others.

There is a voice inside us all that whispers, speaks, and sometimes yells when those more subtle aspects of her voice are ignored. It guides us our entire life in an effort to keep us true to ourselves. Some people are aware of this voice and listen to it regularly. Some people hear the voice occasionally, especially when there are life’s challenges, and heed its advice. Some people are unaware the voice is there, and never listen or hear it. These folks have the most tragic and difficult lives and are most likely to become victims of betrayal. But it happens to all of us, even those of us who are in sync with that voice, because even with self-examination, we often neglect certain aspects of our lives and the light of awareness fails to illuminate those dark corners.

But it’s difficult to listen all the time, and so we miss the subtle cues, make choices that do not honor us, lie to ourselves about friends, lovers, jobs, and one day we get slammed. HARD.   Someone betrays you in the outside world. But it’s been happening in your inner world or it couldn’t happen at all. When we are willing to deceive ourselves, many will follow suit to do the same to you. In fact, you could say an energetic queue starts to form, and pretty soon you feel powerless in your own life because the betrayals keep on coming.

I believe that in our lives the questions, not the answers, lead us to our wisdom. No matter what we go through, we have to ask the question: How did this happen? Why did I create this situation? What do I need to learn from it? And more questions generally unfold as you start to answer those. What should happen is that you begin to see where the rubber hits the road. Where who you want to be and who you’re pretending to be don’t match up, and therein lies the rub.

Now you must choose, between the authentic you and the one you’ve been carrying around with you and showing everyone. Most people find it would be too challenging to let people know that they don’t want to live the way they’ve been living any longer. It could mean ending marriages, relationships, careers, where we live, financial arrangements. And even though those very structures are the external cause of your discontent, you choose to keep living the lies, and keep perpetuating the self-betrayal. Somehow we convince ourselves it’s easier than blowing up not just your world, but the lives of the others involved with you.

Nothing of greatness that we will ever do in our lives is easy. The harder it is, usually the greatest personal reward

Then you become a victim, “look what’s happened to me!”He/She betrayed me, I was robbed, I didn’t know. I never saw this coming.”  But blindness is only a perception, a choice we make because we are afraid to face the deeper wound that triggers the betrayals.     Somewhere deep inside your soul, you ALWAYS know that there is something amiss. We CHOOSE to turn a blind eye, but that is not the same as blindness.

So what can we learn when we suffer betrayal in any form? Many people, upon suffering a large betrayal, go into a form of shock, shutdown, or the alternative, throw themselves into distraction. The first response is natural, as it is a form of trauma. The second response is a form of avoidance. The most dangerous thing that we can do after suffering the awakening and transformational energy of betrayal, because it really will transform your life if you allow it, is to run away from it. I wrote a blog post a while ago called “The next time pain knocks on your door, invite him or her in for a cup of tea.” (see post archives)  This would be an opportune moment to do just that.

Betrayal rips at the core of your being. The pain can be so intense that the last thing you want to do is to sit with it and face it. Yet unless you do so, you run the risk of having that queue I spoke of formerly knocking on your front door. What you can’t be with, won’t let you be.

So the challenge becomes to face and feel all the feelings that are emerging from this experience. Any challenging experience should be dealt with in the same way, but because of the intensity of a betrayal, it is more likely to lead to deep healing If we can truly be with our pain.

I truly believe that in our deepest darkness, there is the potential for us to achieve a connection to our brightest light. There is a gift in betrayal, as crazy as that may sound. In every painful experience of our lives, there is always a gift.
I recently had the insight that our emotional lives, and the emotion that we experience as human beings is a gift that when followed with commitment, integrity, and courage will lead us into our own spiritual wisdom.
The trick for most of us however, is to not run away from the pain. When something hurts, the last thing we want to do is to stay with it. We become avoidant in many forms, including distraction, work, other relationships, sex, drugs, you name it. But that is keeping us from being present with the pain and the emotion that it is triggering in us.  When you encounter this place in your life, as strange as this might sound,  it would serve you well in transforming and healing to create a mini pain vacation, and hang out with your pain. Stay present with it moment by moment, allow it to pervade your very soul, your heart, your mind. Let it speak to you, and heal you of what you are holding on to that led you to this experience to begin with.

If you can do that, rather than taking years to never deal with something because you continue to run away from it, therefore never heal or evolve beyond it, but if you can stay with it, even if it lasts a few months, what you will discover on the other side is a gift.

One of  the many gifts of betrayal is vulnerability. When we are vulnerable, in general, it makes us feel unsafe. But there is a kind of vulnerability that comes from being stripped of everything that you thought was true about who you are and being left naked. But this nakedness has a pureness to it because it shows you who you truly are without subterfuge, delusions, other people’s projections of who you should be, your own perception of yourself that is not in alignment with who you are, and you’re left with, quite simply, who you really are. Your truth. And at the core of the betrayal itself is the idea that something you thought was true, isn’t. Something you believed was real, isn’t. So like sheep shorn of its skin, you are shorn of the lies and deceptions that you have been living in your own life, left naked and exposed.

But there is a cleansing also that has occurred. A forceful purification, often violent in its emotional impact. All the poisons in your life in the form of lies, self-deception, wrong choices in careers, people, ideas, are forcibly removed from you. This is why you feel vulnerable, confused, and not sure of what is truth.

We are so used to labeling what we feel as good or bad, negative or positive, yet if we could learn to embrace the full spectrum of our human emotions without judgment, we would learn, grow, evolve,  and ultimately love in the way that we are capable of much more easily and readily and in the way that we are truly meant to.

This energy of betrayal seems rampant right now.  If it has touched your life, use it as a gift to transform and heal yourself.  Allow it to shine a light on all the dark corners within you that you are judging, ashamed of or afraid to see.  Denial that these feelings, wounds and places exist within us will not make you happy and that same denial will sabotage your life over and over and over again until you find the courage to examine them all.  They end up in your subconscious mind, which is a dangerous place.  I liken it to the chauffeur in a limo.  You’re in the back seat, with the privacy glass up, and your subconscious is driving you to a destination that you are unaware of until you get out of the car.

Be patient with yourself and be present with the pain.  And let the journey last as long as it needs to.  Do not place time limits on your healing.  And LOVE YOURSELF every moment.  Reach out to your friends, get support, but most of all, be true to your heart.  Stand naked with your truth.  It may hurt at first, but eventually you will know that there is no other possible way to live in integrity with yourself.  It’s the betrayal of that integrity by YOU FIRST, that opens the door for others to betray you as well.  Make sure that door is never opened.   We all have wounds and issues in life.  It’s part of being human.  Work on your self.  Examine your life, stay present and true, and when betrayal or any other pain touches you, you will be more prepared to allow it to transform you and take you to an even higher octave of your true, beautiful, radiant self.

Please share this post with someone, just one someone you care about, or maybe even with someone who betrayed you.  And if you’d like to learn more about GinaCology, please visit my website, where I have many free  and not free downloads for both women and men.

With love & blessings,

Gina Cloud

Why Women’s Sexual Dissatisfaction is An Important Awakening

yoni as portalWhenever I sit down to write these posts, I truly never have any idea how long they will be.  A title comes to me and, like a midwife, I sit down and allow myself to be used as a channel.  So before you read this, scroll down and see how long it is and if you have the 5-10 minutes to read it.  This one feels important, even before I begin to write the meat of it.

Lately I’ve had quite a few women come to me and express dissatisfaction with their sexuality/sex life.  When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM because they aren’t feeling sexual, and as I begin to work with them to help them unfurl the petals of this vital part of their feminine nature, what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Throughout my life I have always said that the most important things I’ve ever learned I have learned through my body.  Living in a world that from a very early age teaches women and girls NOT to listen to their innate body wisdom has caused a massive shut down in our ability to discern what is healthy from what may be dysfunction. We trust more what we hear outside of us, instead of what we hear from within.  So many women who feel disconnected sexually are actually in a place of awakening, as their body wisdom has taken over where the mind has failed them.  In their deepest heart, they KNOW that this version of sex they are being sold is all wrong for them, but because there is no body trust for most women, it becomes depression and a subscription to the mainstream mindset that there must be something wrong with you.

Sexuality in our culture has become a lot like fast food, and just as devoid of nutrition and satisfaction.  We are hungry for something that we know we are supposed to get via sex, both women and men, yet after living on junk food, we are physically sick and more in need of nutrition than ever.  That nutrition is the energetic component of sex that is all but lost in the way we do sex now, and yet women’s bodies are rebelling against this, even as women’s minds subscribe to the BS that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want sex or aren’t having it.

You see the words “women’s sexual dysfunction” all over the place these days.  Women are being led to believe we are broken in our sexuality as we have been led to believe we are broken in our bodies because we get periods, have babies and go through menopause.  The more we are bombarded with these negative concepts via media messages, personal exchanges, and personal beliefs, the more “depressed” we become.  But that depression is your soul calling you to awaken and take ownership of your powerful sexuality as you reject the mainstream models.  We are in a hook up/porn culture, where sex is just something you do, for stress relief, recreation, or procreation, but there’s a whole other universe, literally, when two people who are REALLY connected merge their flesh.  Like all of what I share/teach/speak and write about, I live these truths, and my sexuality has been a FORCE in my life that has taught me so much, and I know that if I had been listening to the mainstream spewing of crap, I wouldn’t have had the powerful experiences I’ve always had.

Think about what sex is and why we are so compelled to think about it constantly (and yes, men, we do think about it that much!)  And think about the part of sex that everyone is obsessed with: orgasm.  An orgasm is like the transporter in Star Trek.  It’s a “beam me up Scotty” experience when the energies between two people are in sync.  That in sync quality has to do with the energy systems in our bodies and how they come together when our genitals come together.  Sexuality is meant to be a bridge to higher levels of consciousness.  Yes, I do believe and have experienced this.  It is a way to know whatever God you believe in.  I personally believe that the lack of this experience is why we have the obsession  with “lots of sex.”  It’s quality, not quantity.  The difference between junk food and the kind that nourishes your body.  The junk food tastes good but doesn’t really nourish, and yet it becomes addictive so you keep going for it, but it will never supply what you long for and need.    And women are feeling this in their souls now, as their bodies say no to what’s on the menu now.

Ladies, TRUST YOUR BODIES.  They are portals for a kind of wisdom that is all but lost in this modern world.  If your sexuality is turned down or turned off, spend time within your psyche and your emotional life to find out what is scaring you.  My experience in working with women has taught me that fear is the largest factor; fear of opening into an intimate place (or one that is supposed to be) and feeling used, not seen, not felt by your partner, and fear of not wanting to engage in the sexual violence that has become part of mainstream consensual sex.  The bottom line is that many women do not feel safe with their current or potential sexual partners.  They do not feel these men are trustable, and that is an important feeling for you to respect.  Don’t talk yourself out of not having sex by telling yourself (or listening to someone else tell you) that you’re sexually dysfunctional.   TRUST WHAT YOU FEEL.

Your sexuality is a frequency and it is powerful.  A woman who is aligned with the depth and breadth of what she carries between her legs and the energy inside her is aligned with her TRUE sexuality.  A woman aligned with her true sexuality will be able to say no from a healthy place, and yes from a knowing that when she chooses a man, he will be capable of riding that frequency with her.  I know personally that there are not a lot of men who can actually handle that kind of connection.  There’s a lot of fear for men as well around true intimacy.  Fucking isn’t intimacy.  But f.u.c.k.ing is.  For those of you unfamiliar with my redefinition of that word, it stands for f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini.  Kundalini is  the spiritual energy that lies coiled at the base of the spine like a snake and can be awakened through yoga and meditation, but also through sexual energy.

There are energy channels all throughout our bodies.  There are meridians and chakras which are wheels of energy found in different places in our physiology.  The chakras have actually been scientifically measured as energy centers, for those of you who think this is new age  BS.  Ladies, remember this as well, we take a man into our physical bodies.  Literally.  There is a deep vulnerability in that.  Shouldn’t you think carefully about the quality of the man you say yes to, and who you allow to pass through this very sacred portal?  Life moves in and out of us vaginally, whether we are giving birth, menstruating or having sex.  I wonder how many of you have stopped to consider this idea, and in considering it now, does it hit you viscerally?  I hope so. And  men, please ponder that for a long moment.

For you guys reading this, a few words for you.  Based on the coaching work I’ve done with men, which has all been around sexuality, I’ve learned that you, too, long for intimacy, even when you can’t and won’t say it.  I’ve often said that when you look at a woman and feel like you want her sexually, that’s just conditioning.  Societally and biologically in part, you’re pushed in the direction of that singular sexual drive, as you’re taught that is one way you prove you’re a man, but when you REALLY feel satisfied with a woman, it’s not from the actual sex or the orgasm, it’s from her WANTING YOU AND OPENING TO YOU.  When that happens, you are fed in places beyond your biology.  I know this from these men and from the men in my own life that I’ve had intimate relationships with.  But men and women are afraid of this deeper energy, of these polarities and frequencies that open you up.  When men and women have orgasms from this kind of connection, it brings about healing and realignment in your physical body.  Sex heals.  Marvin Gaye had it right…

So ladies, that feeling of dissatisfaction that so many of you are experiencing around your sexuality is a messenger.  It’s an awakening for you to trust that and to allow your true, deep, intense sexual energy to surface so that you can find men who are seeking to be blessed by this energy with you.  And in the meantime, as you cultivate a relationship with your own sexuality from this authentic place, you gift yourself with this powerful energy which can be used in your daily life, especially as a force for creating that which you desire.  Know that you are not damaged or broken or dysfunctional.  It’s time to trust your inner guidance to lead you to that awakening and the sexual healing inherent in embracing your own powerful sexual energy.

 

With love and gratitude,

Gina

 

A Reminder That Pain is Your Friend…

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It seems like everywhere I turn of late, I notice that we are all suffering and being challenged on many deep levels.  I wrote a blog post a year ago that felt so relevant, that I’m sharing it again with you.    http://ginacology.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/the-next-time-pain-knocks-on-your-door-invite-him-in-for-tea/

Trust your life, even when you feel you can’t.  I live my life as expressed in this post and I know from deeply personal experience that the only way out is through, and the way through will lead to you…It’s a doorway.  Don’t be afraid to walk through.

Love & blessings,

Gina