Ladies, it’s time to wake up YOUR Sleeping Beauty. There is an unconscious part of us as women that actually engages in our own exploitation. It is a form of mindlessness that we have absorbed since we were little girls. We take part in the commodification of our bodies and our sexuality with very little awareness, and I’ve reached a point in observing this that I cannot stand by without sharing my perspective MORE FIERCELY than usual. I hope that the words in this post will be your Print Charming– Ok, bad pun– but the idea is that these words serve to awaken you from your coma, dear Sleeping Beauty. This is another long post, so get cozy…
We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. What we believe about ourselves we broadcast out into the Universe and that signal comes back in the form of the people and circumstances we attract into our lives. From the time we are young girls we get messages from all around us that we MUST change our physical appearance in a variety of ways. The first place seems to be our weight, and I see little girls as young as 10 already obsessing about it and dieting. Without questioning why, we just start doing things because everyone else does; like messing around with our eyebrows as a simple example. Now lest I appear judgmental about what women choose to do as their beauty rituals, let me say this. I have no objection to WHAT you do so much as I ask WHY do you do what you do? Do you know? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself or have you just always done so? So many women spend crazy amounts of time, money and mental energy on a multitude of appearance changing/enhancing products and services, chasing that “ideal” beauty standard and the perfection of our outsides. Those products and services can alter your appearance so much that in some cases you just don’t look like you. I saw a recent report that said women will spend an average of $15,000 in their lifetime on makeup alone! Not to mention all the other services and products. The list is endless really because the industry keeps finding ways to tell you that you’re so flawed and unattractive and will never find a man unless you invest in the latest way to become perfect. So again, I ask you, have you ever actually stopped to ask yourself why? If your first thoughts are things like, “well, I would look like hell otherwise,” or “I hate my ___” fill in the blank, then I suggest that you’ve been asleep and manipulated most of your life. If you are doing these things because you don’t feel good enough, then I invite you to revisit doing them at all. If you do them consciously and you do them FOR YOURSELF, that’s a different story.
I want to ask you, what are you really saying about yourself and what do you really expect to gain when you promote yourself from the outside? What is the payoff? When it’s all about what you look like and you keep shape shifting to conform to someone else’s idea of beauty and sexiness, you live in terror of being seen as you really are. BUT IT’S NOT YOU FAULT, LADIES. Your self-esteem and self-worth have been systematically and brutally hijacked from your being, so that you have no choice, from that paralyzed, numb place, to adopt the media-driven ideas of what makes a woman desirable and wanted. It is from this place that our bodies and our sexuality become commodities.
Now let’s turn to how we exploit our own sexuality. I live in Los Angeles and move through the world and see this obsession with manipulating our appearances and pandering the “come fuck me” mindset. I see women walking in heels so high that they could literally fall off of them and hurt themselves — in the supermarket! I hear women’s conversations as an outsider and with friends. There is such a focus on sexiness. And so much of the conversation revolves around men and how to “get” them, and sex seems to be the bait, based on how we are focused on our outsides. I see this bartering happening energetically in an unspoken way between men and women. Yes, women’s bodies have been exploited throughout history, but when WE take part in this desecration, we are basically saying, “this is all I’m worth. The way I look IS my value. If I’m not fuckable, I’m worthless.” What we don’t understand is that if you actually held your sexuality at such a high value within you, you would attract a man who would have to step up to a place of integrity within himself in order to be with you. From that place you wouldn’t attract someone interested in the shiny outsides, or who just wanted to fuck you. The use-you kind of fuck, not the really good kind. When we live focused on our bodies and our sexuality as our value, we set ourselves up to be used.
When we think so little of ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, when we give our souls away to look good and use that looking good to seduce a man, what caliber of man could that possibly be? We aren’t asking much of that man, so he shows up in the smallest version of himself and the most unworthy version of himself to match the unworthiness we feel about ourselves. And we complain about HIM, but we are creating that reality. I hope this post will cause an awakening within you that will allow you to see things from a perspective that will honor you, ALL of you. When you do, you will discover your true value, worth and inherent power, which has nothing to do with your appearance. If every woman in the world took this stance, I believe there would be an amazing caliber of men on this planet. We want better quality men but we are teaching them to expect so little, so they don’t have to step up and deliver with integrity. I see the responsibility on both sides of the equation, with both genders, but ladies, the real power is within us to change all this. But are we too busy looking in the mirror to even see our power and all that we are capable of being?
Are you willing to take an honest look at how you may be unconsciously exploiting your body and your sexuality? I’m asking you to look at YOUR MOTIVES underneath it all; to make what’s been unconscious and robotic, conscious. We have to stop complaining about being used for sex, when we mindlessly walk around grooming ourselves to promote the message that that’s all we are good for. If you want love AND sex, are you really sending out the right signals?
I’m not saying don’t dress the way you want to or to cover yourself up. I love being a woman and I dress the way I want to express my beauty, but my sexuality is not an advertisement that precedes my entrance into the room. Nor is it the primary form of communication I use. I am sick and tired– yes angry– at seeing young girls taken advantage of because the world we live in sexualizes them so much that they now joke about rape. I am sick and tired of seeing young girls unable to say no to advances, because at an early age they, too, fall into this deep slumber and believe that’s what they’re here on Earth for, and that being wanted this way makes them special or validates them. I’m sick and tired of seeing grown women aging and believing that they have no worth, spending even more of their hard-earned money to try to chase youth and get rid of the wrinkles so they can reclaim their desirability and “value.” Doesn’t this piss you off, too?
Your sexuality is a gift and a force. Explore it, get to know and understand it, and do not allow it to be pillaged or to take part in the ways of our world that promote you as a valueless shell for someone to use and never know YOU; your heart, your soul, your real face. When you come from a place of honoring your sexuality, it can feed you in ways that you cannot imagine because we live in a sexually shallow society. One which, by the way, still fears the true depth, intensity and hunger of female sexuality. When you live in integrity with this part of you, you will attract a higher caliber of man, one who values your sexuality as well, one who has great respect and integrity within himself and for himself, and one with whom you can have mind-blowing otherworldly sex. So ladies, stop complaining about the man. Part of my inspiration to write this piece was hearing so many women complaining about them.
Know this, too. It’s a lonelier place when you live this way, in the sense that until all women live this way, it will take a while for the world of men to understand the old rules no longer apply, but you will TRULY feel better about yourself and from a place of deep self-love you will know a new kind of joy. I learned this personally the hard way, but it is the absolute truth.
This deep slumber that we are in also keeps women from bonding with each other. When you are living this superficial life chasing the perfect body and working the best seduction tools, when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you go into comparison. competition, insecurity and bitchiness. You look her over and try to pick her apart in order to elevate yourself because your yardstick for value is your appearance. When you are living in integrity with your body/sexuality, when a beautiful woman walks into the room, you can admire her. You want to know her. You are drawn to her. You recognize her as your sister.
As I wrap this up, (because clearly I could go on and on and on :)) let me leave you with some questions to ponder. What if you could wake up naked lying alone or next to your man/lover/partner, no makeup, hair however it chooses to be, and feel so comfortable in your skin? What if being that way was the most sensuous feeling? What if you threw away your scale and just didn’t give a fuck? What if you stopped trying to change your appearance via whatever tools you use, no longer spending money and time obsessing about them? What if you chose nurturing and beautifying rituals instead of appearance altering ones? Why do you do what you do? Is it because everyone else does? Is it because you feel unattractive? Do you use your sexuality to “get” attention and men? What do you really feel about your value and your worth as a person? As a woman? Are you doing all those self-modifications and still alone, if getting that man is what drives you? Are you part of the Victorias Sheepret parade, following the herd? (okay, that was a weird one, I admit, but you get my point.)
If you have a daughter or wish to one day, would you want her to think so little of herself that she would follow this life path?
Enough said? This is a lot, and I hope my words will open some doors to exploration that will lead you more fully into the depth and fullness of who you really are. Think of this post as the kiss that woke up Sleeping Beauty…yes,that would be you. But this is no fairy tale, it’s your life.
Men reading this, I hope you will take the time to reflect on what value you place on women unconsciously, and share this post with the women you know. Try to put yourself in our shoes — The high-heeled ones that are hard to walk in, and see if you can find a place where you can show up differently in how you relate with women.
If all of this begs the question how do you get out of this maze and live authentically, I am teaching a two-hour interactive webinar with live Q&A at the end. Click on the link for details about the webinar, HOW TO LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN, with real tools to achieve liberation from this prison. And please, if this moved you, touched you, stirred you, please share it…And take the time to reflect on the questions I’ve posed here.
I am DEEPLY committed to each one of you and taking a stand for all that you can be and helping to liberate you from all of the boxes we live in, so that you can just shine your bright, authentic beauty and radiance into this world which so needs who YOU are.
And finally, I would love to have you join my e-mail list. There’s an opt-in box on the bottom of this page, just below you. And visit my website for more to inspire you…
As I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction. This topic is important, for both women and men.
The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation. Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.
After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives. There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually. In the normal spectrum, there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation. Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.
Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt. For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort. Why would anyone want to be vulnerable? Because without vulnerability, we are closed. When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience. The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment. This is a gift of the vagina. Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths. It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child. It has a profound physical resilience. Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts. Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.
In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis. In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina. In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive. When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work. For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas. Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed. When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive. And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins. In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.
Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves. But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious. When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration. A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed. There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality. When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels. And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you. And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage. We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included. But your vagina invariably knows the truth.
How? For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty. Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway. Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone. When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him. And penetration by him is beyond his penis. When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive. There is vulnerability and trust. A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used, a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.
I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them. Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women. I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to. Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her. I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them. Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them. Ladies, you KNOW. You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you, there is wisdom.
Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing. That’s utterly ridiculous. When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerabilty IN HER HEART. Remember the vagina and heart are connected. If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women. Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm. Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina. It’s aggressive, surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms. It deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally. Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man. That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.
When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly. All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy. But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him. If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable. If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration. But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there. And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts. If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more. Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina, depression will often be the messenger.
There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape. In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways. Some avoid sex. Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex. Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again. These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways. Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse. Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth. I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated. To have a man enter into this vulnerable place. The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration. For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability. Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze. Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies. When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze? Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen? The eyes are the window to your soul. If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration. It’s an act of disrespect. And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire? How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is? Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away. The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart. The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.
Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun. Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated. Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly. I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy. Women, you know. And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.
In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women. And many believe that women are okay with it. Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it. I’m offering a different perspective. Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on. Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb. The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words. I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind. I am simply asking you to examine your motives. If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice. You know what your intention is. Be mindful of that. Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portable you are all so fond of inhabiting. It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish. Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen. We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this. We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect. We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this. I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women. When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.
With love & blessings,
As some of you know, I’ve been WAY slow on catching up with technology and social media. I’m an in-person kind of gal. Many of you have been asking me to do this for years, and finally I’ve surrendered (something I actually love to do :)) and put together a series of webinars. The first one is:
I know, those of you who may be new to my world and my work are ready to move on from this page, thinking WTF?? That’s a response I’m used to. But don’t. I have never failed to bring great clarity and inspiration to ALL women who have been exposed to this particular aspect of my work. It’s truly life-altering. So click on the link above or HERE and see what I have in store for you. Spots are limited, and I will have Q&A to answer your specific questions.
And guys, you’re more than welcome to join in, too. This information will only make your relationships with women better; whether they are wives, girlfriends, friends, sisters, daughters. If you’re a guy reading this, please share it with the women in your life.
And please hit share if you feel this would be great for someone you know. Join me on January 24…let’s get in the flow together. Okay, horrible pun.
With love & gratitude,
I’ve been MIA for a bit, as many of you know. I try to “play the game” and use the social media to “grow my business,” or to “help people find me,” but truth be told, I despise our methods of “connecting” as they exist in our modern world. I hit these walls and just unplug, frustrated at what I perceive as a lack of integrity in how we are living our lives. And yes, that’s my perception and may not be yours, but this is my blog, so I’m sharing mine. I see the beauty in what all this technology has to offer, but I also see the devastation it wields and that bothers my soul and my spirit.
I’m old enough to remember land lines, where we had to sit by the phone and just focus on the conversation. Or answering machines that we checked once or twice a day and returned calls then. I remember making plans to see my friends and dedicating time to real time together, instead of the constant texting that replaces so much of that. I can remember going to my computer and only accessing e-mails once a day as there weren’t portable devices like our iPhones and iPads and all the variations on that theme that turn us into Pavlovian dogs salivating as the various ring tones and alerts hit our ears,summoning us to look, touch, read, reply, surf, watch….all for what really? We are missing our own lives spending so much time paying attention to others,or so busy preparing to share our personal moments with so many “friends” that the quality of those life moments is so diluted and one-dimensional that we are robbing ourselves of truly living our lives and having an organic experience of not only others, but of OURSELVES. And isn’t it narcissistic to run around preparing to share our lives for others to view? Doesn’t that take away from our actual experience in the moment if we had it purely, with no one there watching? Wouldn’t it be based in a deeper, more personal experiential quality than the peeping Tom quality I find so prevalent in social sharing?
I was having a conversation with a good girlfriend of mine recently and expressing how differently I experience men these days with all our ADD, obsessive/compulsive technology seducing us constantly to look, touch, feel, peek. It’s like a seductress, really. I haven’t seen HER yet, but I have a feeling it may be a testament to what I’m experiencing in the world. Men (and women, too, I bet men would agree) are preoccupied with their devices. Hmmmmm.. dare I touch that? Maybe later. LOL. Men used to roam the world, the streets, buildings, restaurants, garages, parking lots, you name it, anywhere in our normal travels, looking at and for women. There would be eye contact, a smile, flirting, and maybe a conversation and a phone number. Organic. We would know instantly if there’s chemistry or not. Unlike these dating sites where everyone is tethered to the screen and their inbox, seeing who winked, tickled, poked, WHATEVER them. Then you write back, have a phone chat, meet eventually and maybe there’s a connection. How much time, by the time that moment arrives, have you already spent trying to figure out if there’s a good old-fashioned connection? How many days, hours, weeks? When we have an organic interaction as I just described, we know in a few minutes and it’s a lot more interesting and far less wasteful of our time!!
What is this obsession we have with CONSTANTLY needing to know what’s happening with our “friends,” most of whom we’ve never met, and having to check e-mails as soon as they ding your inbox? And texting, this is perhaps the most out of control obsessive thing we do. Am I saying I’m a paragon of virtue and NEVER do any of this? Hell no! In fact, I’m writing this because I realize that even with my constant awareness of and disdain for this way of life, it still sucks me in, too! I work hard at keeping it at bay, which just goes to show what an addiction it can become. I’ve turned off my alert tones for e-mails and have text tone alerts for important people like my daughter. I stay off FaceBook, except when these blog posts happen, and if I feel I have something really meaningful to say. I only reply to e-mails once a day. The level of stress reduction that act alone has produced is mind-blowing and revelatory.
Imagine if we all had focus, on one thing at a time? Imagine if you could walk down the street and not feel compelled to have your device in your hand, typing on it, talking on it, even listening to music on it. Every time you get an alert, it distracts you from real life and pulls you into a virtual reality, which may be part of your real life on some level; an important e-mail or reply to someone important, but we don’t distinguish for the most part. We just keep looking at it, touching it, playing with it, keeping it close to us. Sounds like a romance doesn’t it? The scary thing is there are a lot of people out there who consider themselves in relationships with people they virtually never see and only connect with via these gadgets. Skypeing isn’t being with your friend or lover. It’s a cheap imitation, and I for one love the real thing. I like to look into the people in my life’s eyes (they are windows to the soul!), to hear them laugh and to see the expressions on their faces. To kiss hello and goodbye, and to HUG! There’s no replacing real life hugs! I like to share a meal, to eat off their plate or have them eat off mine, to share a dish or tapas, and a bottle of wine or whatever we are drinking and to toast to something we care about. I like going to movies together, traveling together, cooking together, and if it’s a romantic relationship, well, clearly, there’s nothing like the real thing! We have access to anything and everything in this virtual world we’ve created –except each other in the flesh and blood and bone.
Back to the concept of focus. Before all this instant gratification and obsession with everyone else’s lives, there was more personal success I believe, due to our ability to concentrate, commit and focus. Being more than a bit of a conspiracy theorist, I believe that the “powers that be” that want to make sure that your power doesn’t become, lest you change the world, they love the idea of all this ADD and addiction to technology. As long as we are distracted by all the vastness of what’s on the internet, we will never be able to concentrate and do something really meaningful with our lives. Or, if we do, it will take so much longer to get around to it because the video of some girl or some guy or some animal doing something really stupid was so compelling that we had to watch it and also the next one that popped up on the page, until hours have gone by and what have you done to move your life in a direction that is meaningful TO YOU? As long as you keep on choosing virtual “entertainment” over commitment to your dreams, your gifts, your vision, you will continue to have an undercurrent of dissatisfaction about your life, a sense of depression or lethargy and confusion about where you’re headed. Entertainment and fun is CRUCIAL in life. It’s just better had in the real world rather than the virtual one, in my humble opinion.
There is no escaping technology and I’m not saying we have to be all or nothing. I am realizing that balance, as in all things, is the key. In trying to live more balanced with the gifts of technology, can you choose to be more present in your real life, to notice the people you interact with, even in an elevator, or standing in line? Can you choose to sit still and not pull your device out to check for anything new in the last 5 minutes since you last checked it? Can you sit outside and listen to life going by and not have your headphones on constantly? Can you take an honest inventory of how much time, hours wise, you spend daily on your devices doing utterly meaningless things? And I would include in utterly meaningless checking your “friends” status updates and cruising their pictures. By “friends” I mean people you don’t know personally. How is that moving your life forward? That’s the one that will rock your world when you find that number.
Another not often spoken about aspect of all this technology overload is the burden it puts on our health. I read a study more than two years ago that spoke about adrenal fatigue being rampant among young people especially, but most Americans in general. Why? because the actual process, neurologically of using your eyes on a screen constantly causes all kinds of biological processes, and one of them is being in a constant state of alertness on these devices causes our bodies to make more adrenaline, and because it’s constant, this causes a form of adrenal fatigue. There’s the literature also about the electromagnetic frequencies (EMF’s) and what they are doing to our bodies as well, just having these devices close to our bodies. Our nervous systems and brains are on overload via overstimulation through the eyes as never before in our history as human beings. All of this, because we are technology addicts.
Ask yourself as we go into a new year, not to make any resolutions, as most people, myself included, don’t find them truly useful or effectual, but ask yourself what you’re going to commit to this next year. Can you commit to putting down your device and visiting it occasionally throughout your day instead of constantly? Can you examine how your life may have moved forward more if you’d had focus and commitment and attention and intention this past year? And don’t beat yourself up. It serves nothing. Just choose something different as we enter a new year. Choose real life. Choose to pay attention to and be present for your dreams and visions, and allow technology to serve you in that, but don’t be a slave to it. Don’t let it take your soul, your life, the hours in your day, and don’t let it keep you from knowing the joy of experiencing the real world and all the people in it. Even the assholes.
Happy New Year to each and every one of you and thank you for your support of me and my work. If you feel moved to share my words, please do. I hope they have inspired you in some way, big or small…
Much love and blessings in 2014,
As I write this particular post, I am still in Rome, heading back to the U.S. soon. I find myself reflecting on the fact that each time I have attempted to enter a church here in Rome or Florence, or anywhere in Italy for that matter, my bare shoulders have been an issue. It’s still hot as hell here, so everyone is running around in tank tops and sleeveless attire. But the bare shoulders of a woman became a metaphor as I examined and refused to accommodate their request to cover them in order to enter the churches, including the Vatican.
Now first I need to say that I was raised very Catholic, with extremely Catholic parents. I went to Catholic schools all the way through high school, was baptized and had my First Holy Communion and my Confirmation. So I have a personal relationship with Catholicism and am willing to say that much of what I will say here is likely to offend those who embrace their religious faith.
I believe that because I was raised in an environment of religion, it is what led me to the spiritual path. Religion, in my view, is a form of mind control and manipulation of the masses by making us believe that our “redemption” is dependent upon us following the strictures of whatever religion we subscribe to. Spirituality, on the other hand, teaches us that God is within each and every one of us, and that we are each piece of God him or herself. Many that are faithful to their religion would already be offended that I would refer to an ambiGod, meaning either male or female. If that is the case, you may want to stop reading right now because I am likely to really piss you off.
Back to my bare shoulders. As I stood in the lines to enter some of what is absolutely the most beautiful and celebrated architecture on Earth, no question, I noticed that both men and women had bare shoulders. The problem that I had was that only the women were being asked to cover ourselves. And if you were in a tank top you could purchase for a mere €1.50, what I refer to with disdain as a shoulder tarp. On a matter of principle, I could not bring myself to do it. Had it been a request of both men and women I know that I would have.
The fact that this kind of Fear of the female form –which is ultimately what this comes down to, the fear of female sexuality– Is still promulgated in 2013, really does provoke my ire.
While I really wanted to see the architecture, Something innately within me could not condone, support or become part of this still repressive ideology that surrounds women and our bodies.
So what the hell is wrong with my bare shoulders? A woman’s shoulders literally shoulder great responsibility and burdens. How do my bare shoulders manage to be the reason that I cannot enter the church? Oh yes, and then there are my knees. You see your shoulders and your knees must be covered if you are a woman. The knees perhaps because moving up my thighs we get to that dark, forbidden seductive, and juicy place–the place that all life comes from. And we know what religion has done around a woman’s vagina. Yet the church doesn’t even recognize that in the sacred geometry that surrounds much of the art and architecture, the symbol, the very shape of the vagina is everywhere, the vesica piscis.
And my bare shoulders perhaps invoke the thoughts of moving downward towards the slope of my breasts. Those breasts nurture life, and are not just for sexual titillation (pun intended). Though we know that historically the repression of sexuality in the Catholic Church has led to much pedophilia and depravity.
I know that some people will think how could you pass up seeing the architecture and the art in the Vatican, the Sistine Chapel, all the beautiful churches along the way? And my response from a place of absolutely standing firmly on the principles I believe in, fight for, would die for, is that I cannot stand in a place that considers my body and its parts offensive or illicit. If men can enter with bare shoulders and shorts, why can’t I?
And when will we collectively recognize the temple that is a woman’s body as the most sacred of all that we have in human form? This is part of why I do the work that I do.
It felt so right to me to refuse to enter these places based on this rule. I know that many would retort with, “but it is a sign of respect.” How is it respectful? What do my shoulders have to do with my ability to worship God, to feel reverence and sacredness around me? These are rules and laws promulgated by those that repressed and persecuted women in ancient times, and I for one will be damned if I will participate in the continuation of that today!
Does that make me a heathen? In the eyes of many, yes. In my own eyes, it makes me a woman, proud to be one, and unwilling to participate in any form of repression of my gender, Be it ancient or modern, religious or colloquial.
So until that time arrives, I’ll just keep on shimmying my shoulders with all the reverence and sacredness that my feminine form invokes and offer that to god, goddess and the universe Everywhere that I go…
Much love from Rome,
. As I write this post, I am in Italy. I know you all haven’t seen any pictures of my vacation on Facebook, primarily because I do believe in having a private life in a world that has become a giant fishbowl for all to see, 24/7. I am in Florence as I write this, heading to Rome tomorrow. All of last week I was in a beautiful villa in the hills of Tuscany doing a women’s healing dance and drumming retreat hosted by my dear friend and brilliant performance artist, Alessandra Belloni. For the last 10 years she has tried to get me to attend this annual event, but it just never worked out until this year.
It was truly a magical experience, and a magical place, with amazing women and a couple of really good men acting as supportive pillars. My beautiful daughter went with me, though dance and drumming is not her thing. Clearly Tuscan food and Tuscany itself were. LOL.
As we were sitting out under the canopy of what felt like guardian trees, the place where we danced and drummed every day, we were having a discussion about many, many things, and Alessandra asked me to speak. The topic at the moment revolved around our sexuality as women and as I began to speak about it and expound on the letters In the word W.O.M.A.N. as redefined in my book, W.O.M.A.N.: A New Definition, I found myself saying the following in regards to our wildness: “when we lose our minds, we find our hearts.”
There are many times when I am sharing and speaking to a group that things come through me that I did not intend from my mind. They tend to be pearls of wisdom from somewhere that are channeled through me. This was one of them and it had an impact on many of the women, so much so that I decided to write about it.
Living as we do now as modern day women, we travel via the world of the rational mind, day in and day out almost 24/7. We think things through, rather then feel them through or intuit them, or allow them to move through us by being in stillness. Rather than having those eureka moments, we process and over process through our minds. As often I like to remind us all, this is the masculine way, The rational channel. And there is nothing wrong with it, however, as women, the heart is the place where we should start. In fact, in my opinion, the heart is where all human beings should start. The mind is meant to serve the heart.
As women, much of the wisdom that we would gain through the heart comes through our bodies and because we tend to discount and ignore all of our unique biological processes, particularly the menstrual cycle, we function as if we have no rhythm.
When we let go of the mind, throw it away, lock it up for a while, or for good even, a wonderful process happens. We begin to feel. We feel everything. We sense everything through all of our organs; our eyes, nose, fingertips, skin, taste, hearing. We access the wild creatures within us and the heart begins to commune with us in all of these ways. When we see something, it is no longer just a description of what the eyes are seeing, there is a feeling that goes with the visual picture, sometimes having nothing to do with what the eyes are actually seeing.
For instance, lying on the platform where we danced, looking up at those trees, my eyes saw trees, but my heart saw and felt the guardians. When we let go of the mind, the sensations, images, feelings that come to us come through the heart first and then our mind helps us to process them into some form of language. When you hear a child laughing, it’s not just a sound, it becomes music, the language of happiness, joy, playfulness, and it evokes something from within you.
In order to have these kinds of experiences; however, we have to slow down and we have to be willing to lead with feeling and not with thinking. Thinking as the inroad is a one dimensional portal. Feeling as the inroad is multidimensional and infinite.
Yes, the primary language of the heart is feeling. The primary language of the mind is words. I invite you to speak from your heart, which has quite a different frequency than when one is simply talking.
So ladies, remember that there is rhythm in your body, rhythm to life, rhythm all around us. Rhythm is the Cure. This was the name of the week long workshop, and it was rooted in an ancient Italian Goddess tradition known as the spider dance, or the Tarantalla. If you’re thinking that word looks like tarantula, bingo.
In this ritual dance, the women were said to be bitten by the spider and the venom would make each woman go crazy, ergo lose her mind, and free her of all of the emotional baggage that was causing pain in her life on all levels. In essence, losing her mind would heal her. We danced this ritual dance to shamanic drum rhythms that induce trance. It was quite beautiful and powerful to see each woman really surrender her mind, her body, to let go of all control, and liberate her heart and soul.
So if you can’t make it to southern Italy in August of next year, find a way to lose your mind somewhere along the way. If you’re worried about being able to find it again, leave a trail of breadcrumbs. But I don’t think you’ll miss it. The heart is infinitely more wise, less chaotic, more peaceful, and filled with a kind of beauty that only the heart knows.
People pleasing, we all do it. Mostly women in my experience, but men do as well, mostly in the area of their relationships. The “yes dear” syndrome Every time you are dishonest in order to appease someone else or avoid dealing with an issue, what is the real cost to your soul?
What price do you pay to take the road well-paved and most traveled, instead of the one with very few footprints or maybe a few breadcrumbs, or better still, the one that you must forge completely on your own?
In this video I share my thoughts on this subject.
With Love & Blessings,
I met Jasmine Rose Gonzales (now Jasmine Van Driessche) 10 years ago when she showed up at my home in reply to a babysitting job for my then 8-year-old daughter.
I fell in love with her. She is a beautiful young woman, with a kind of passion I relate to, especially when it comes to things she believes in. She asked me for support in her special cause and I said HELL YEAH !!
So I ask you this question, in case you are tempted not to read on, or to stop reading when you see that she is asking for financial gifts: What would you do for a cause you believe in? What would you want OTHERS to do in support of your cause if you were to ask for assistance of any kind? Let that answer be your guide as I encourage you to read Jasmine’s words below. And please, pass this on, hit share, post it on your FaceBook page so that we can spread the word virtually. Every little bit helps, and when we all come together for any great cause, we can truly accomplish anything!
From my heart, allow me to introduce you to a young woman who is part of my heart, part of my tribe, and a gift to the world:
“Bula (hello!) to all of Gina’s Loyal Readers…
My name is Jasmine, and I have the great fortune of having Gina as one of my dearest friends and mentor. Lucky for me, she has generously agreed to share my cause; one which I believe can truly make a difference for the people of Fiji.
My husband (whom I will be volunteering with) and I have been to Fiji twice. During those trips we didn’t spend time lounging on a beach, we spent the time with the people, seeing village life, hearing their stories, learning their language. What we realized about these people is that joy resonates in their bones. They are, as a people, without a doubt some of the kindest, most joyful and genuine people we have ever experienced. Fiji itself has unimaginable beauty, but its people are what make this small country a classroom of love, life & gratitude in the simplest & most profound ways.
Upon returning after our first trip is when I realized that 31% of Fijians suffer from absolute poverty. It was then that we decided we had to be a part of giving back to these people, as they so selflessly gave to us. Our dream has been made possible only because of the Naqaqa Giving Foundation, a 501(c)(3), a reputable organization that began 7 years ago. We will be working in a special needs school, medical center, a farm and visiting some of the world’s most remote islands, donating medical supplies, educational materials, clothes, & tools.
I have to raise $6,500 to qualify for the immersion. What makes this program so powerful is that the Naqaqa Giving Foundation (NGF) received a grant that will give $4,500 PER VOLUNTEER! This is huge, as this number allows NGF and me as a volunteer to make a great impact on a country that is dire need of our help. I have raised $3,450 and my goal is to raise the remaining $3,050 by July 26th, one week!
All numbers and statistics aside, I have a deep love for this country and its people. My passion to make a difference for a culture that changed my life is undeniable. My whole heart is in this and it is a big heart with much to give, and determination that has the ability to spread like wildfire. I just need help, your help, everyone’s help.
I deeply appreciate you taking the time to read my words and I wish each of you as much joy in life as the Fijian people have brought me!
To read more about my Immersion, Fiji and how to donate, please visit:
It’s me, Gina, again, and all I want to say is this: It’s only $$3,050, not millions, so I urge you, do now what you’d want someone to do for you….
Love & Blessings,
If you missed Principle No. 1, or the Part 1 video of Principle No. 2, you can find it here on my blog or directly on my YouTube Channel.
GinaCology Principle No. 2 is rooted in the idea that as women, we need to be intimate with ourselves both from a health perspective, as well as a sexuality perspective. This is so important, as the idea of intimacy, that of being comfortable, warm and familiar (a simple definition of intimacy) with OURSELVES is the most important relationship we will ever have. I had so much to say about each that I created two videos – Part 1 and Part 2 of this Principle No. 2.
If you’re not already subscribing to my blog, please do, so that you will receive new posts immediately. All you have to do is sign up to the right of this post, on the sidebar there is a box to subscribe via e-mail. That’s all you have to do.
Remember, I am doing an entire series of videos on each of the 10 principles, so there are 8 more principles to go.
So watch and enjoy, and let me hear from you… CONTACT ME HERE.
And please take the very quick poll below so that I can better serve YOUR needs!